


The Bond Between a Lizard and a Wolf

by MajinPiccolo



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 01:29:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14391336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MajinPiccolo/pseuds/MajinPiccolo
Summary: Yamcha wanted respect and thought he could get it by defeating Frieza once and for all. Frieza, on the other hand, wanted a distraction, so why not play along? Turns out what they needed was something else entirely. Set after Dragon Ball FighterZ and the Tournament of Power.





	1. I Wanna Love Somebody But I Don't Know How

_After the events of Dragon Ball FighterZ…_

The sun had long since set by the time an exhausted Yamcha returned to his apartment, where he was greeted by his dear friend Puar. The flying shapeshifter had been watching the day’s events unfold on TV, but as always, while the news anchors were happy to report that the mysterious cloned martial artists that had been attacking all over the Earth appeared to have been stopped, they remained ignorant to whom their gratitude for the task was owed. As such, Puar had no way of knowing when to expect Yamcha’s return, or what condition he’d be in!

“Oh Yamcha, I was so worried! Are you hurt? Can I get you anything?”

The former bandit smiled as he flopped down on the couch. “I’m alright, Puar! I had a senzu before heading home… wouldn’t mind a beer though. It’s been a long day…”

Puar didn’t need to be told twice and was back from the fridge carrying a whole six pack- while Yamcha didn’t drink often, when he drank, he DRANK. 

After popping the cap off with a flick of this thumb and chugging the bottle’s contents with a swiftness that would awe even the most seasoned of drunks, he started a second bottle in a only slightly more leisurely fashion. He then filled Puar in on what had actually happened that day in detail, from the invasion of the clones, to the strange waves that had sapped the energy from nearly all the Z Fighters, the process of ‘linking’ with another soul, and finally the eventual defeat of Android 21. This process took an hour and five and a half bottles, and ended with a rather tipsy Yamcha laying back on the couch, propped up slightly on the arm rest and sipping the last beer while Puar sat on his shoulder. 

“You know, as weird as sharing my body with someone was, linking wasn’t even the most bizarre part of the fight!” Yamcha paused to rip an epic belch before continuing, “it had to have been working with Frieza and the rest. Man oh man, I never would have thought I’d be calling them allies!” 

Puar lowered his head. “I’m so glad I didn’t hear about that on the news- I would have been even more sick with worry than I already was! They could have killed you!”

Yamcha laughed, “nah, that soul that was linked with Frieza wouldn’t let them hurt anyone but the clones and 21. That said, I may or may not have peed just a little when I first saw Cell again. And Nappa… every time he planted more Saibaman I couldn’t help but be a little… uh… nervous. The Ginyu Force though, they’re actually alright guys! I think if they weren’t working with Frieza they could actually be decent people. I almost feel bad for helping kick their asses in the otherworld.”

“You’re so kind, Yamcha, even to the villains that don’t deserve it.”

“Is it weird that I really enjoyed most of it?” Yamcha asked, picking at the beer’s label idly. “Whenever I’m forced to fight again I’m reminded of how much I miss the martial arts… And I miss fighting with Goku and the rest of the guys. It felt good to be useful again, you know?”

“You said the waves didn’t affect you as strongly as the rest, right?” Puar asked. “So it sounds to me like you were by far the most useful member of the team today! You really pulled your weight- and I bet you made Vegeta look like a total slouch in the process!”

Yamcha sighed. “Nah, my rustiness definitely showed. If the waves weren’t bringing the rest of them down to my level I would have been left in the dust as usual…” he chugged the last of the beer and tossed the bottle across the room and into the kitchen, where it crashed perfectly into the recycle- even when he was tipsy, no one could out pitch Yamcha. “You know what though? I managed to impress someone surprising!”

“Really? Who?!”

“Frieza of all people! Can you believe he called me sensible and handsome? Those were his exact words! Sensible and handsome!” Yamcha sat up and ran his fingers through his hair a few times. “I mean, I know I am, but it’s always nice to hear it out loud-“

Puar floated off of his shoulder perch and directly in front of his best friends face. Putting his tiny hands on his hips, he asked seriously, “Yamcha, does this mean you have a crush on Frieza now?”

“Wait what!?” If there had been any beer left in the former bandit’s mouth his best friend would have been wearing it. “The hell would you say that for?! You know I’m not gay, and I’m double not gay for super villains, thank you very much!”

Standing firm, Puar pointed accusingly at Yamcha. “Every time a woman gives you a compliment like that you end up convinced that she’s crushing on you and obsess over her for weeks! And not gay? Did I miss something? Is Tien a woman now?”

Yamcha cringed and covered his face with one hand. “That was a bro crush! Every hetero guy has that one bro crush! It’s the exception that proves the rule after all!”

“Bro crush? And a normal part of a bro crush is wanting to, let’s see,” Puar paused before doing a terrible imitation of Yamcha’s voice, “kiss every inch of Tien’s beautiful bald head?”

“I told you to forget I ever said that! Anyway that was years ago, I’ve been nothing but a ladies’ man since!”

“And Frieza is another bro crush?”

“Fuck no! Supervillain, remember? Besides, he’s way too androgynous to fit in the bro category. You haven’t seen him like he is now. Without all those cyborg parts he’s actually kinda pretty, like, all sleek and slender, right? And he’s got the most intense eyes and these really nice lips-“ realizing what he was saying, he jumped up and ran to the kitchen shouting, “grabbing another beer, be right back!”

He spent more time than necessary going slowly through the fridge, hoping the cold air would help fade his flushed cheeks. But when he returned to the living room, Puar was waiting. 

“Okay, okay, I know there’s no point in trying to hide anything from you, buddy,” Yamcha sat back down and set the still unopened beer on his coffee table, staring at it’s label to avoid eye contact. “Of course when he said that I thought maybe he was flirting a little, and I, you know, I’m lonely. Romance is my weakness! So I got caught up in the moment I guess? But it doesn’t matter because we didn’t really get a chance to talk much after that anyway. And even if we did, as soon as I got my wits back I remembered he’s an evil murderous dictator and not someone I’d want to have anything to do with under normal circumstances. It was just a normal response from a lonely guy, that’s all it was! And he’s back in hell now so I’m officially over him, not that I was even THAT into him to begin with.”

“If you say so, Yamcha. But don’t say I didn’t see this coming when I find you sitting in the dark, clinging to a pillow and whispering Frieza’s name-“

“Oh shut it! I’ll prove it. I won’t even talk, or, or, or even think about Frieza. You’ll see!”

End Chapter One: I Wanna Love Somebody But I Don’t Know How

Author’s notes: Since there’s three versions of the FighterZ story, for the sake of this fanfic mix a little of the first two arcs and you’ll have the necessary backstory. Thanks for reading! The fic is complete, I’ll be uploading a chapter or two a day as I edit it.


	2. He’s a Loser But He Still Keeps On Trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling pushed aside after the Tournament of Power, Yamcha decides to win some respect by doing what no one else had the courage to- defeating Frieza, once and for all.

Months after the Android 21 incident Earth was once again threatened, this time with the possibility of being erased as consequence for a potential loss in the Tournament of Power. Yamcha joined the rest of his friends afterwards at a party jointly celebrating Universe 7’s victory alongside the birth of Bulla, and was able to keep his spirits reasonably high- until he and Puar returned home. Away from the need to put up a facade, the human found himself venting. “I can’t believe even Android 17 has a family now! And he just lives away from them for work? If I was lucky enough to have a wife I’d never agree to do something like that. But not only does he get a beautiful family that he doesn’t even appreciate, he ends up winning the Tournament of Power and saving our universe? Come on, leave some good fortune for the rest of us…”

He paused for a moment, clenching his fists before continuing, “and of course Vegeta just has to rub things in my face by having another kid with Bulma. I saw him smirking at me at the party. He knows he’s living my dream life and just has to keep showing it off!”

“I don’t think he was really paying much attention to you-“

“It wasn’t like, a literal smirk with his mouth. But I know he was doing it on the inside!”

When something sets Yamcha off on his ‘Bulma was perfect for me and Vegeta doesn’t deserve her’ tangent, he could get stuck on it for a while, so Puar quickly fished for a change of subject. “I still can’t believe they passed you over when they needed another warrior. After you fought so hard against 21 and the clones a couple months ago and proved you could still be a valuable addition to the team, too…”

“Yeah, I know right? I was ready and willing and they just snubbed me- I guess they’d rather risk reviving an evil asshole than put their trust in good ol’ Yamcha?” 

There was an awkward half second of silence as both friends realized this was the first time Frieza had been brought up between the two of them in private since Yamcha’s crush had been revealed, but before Puar could say anything, Yamcha quickly continued, “even I know Frieza isn’t someone you can trust. That jerk is evil to the core, the absolute worst slime ball in this or any other universe! Sure he’s strong but it’s not worth the risk!” 

Puar wondered inwardly if Yamcha was perhaps overselling it. “Oh Yamcha…”

“And then Whis just revives him with no thought of the consequence to our universe? Is Beerus getting lazy and wanting to leave the destroying to someone else or something? That kind of interference from the gods shouldn’t be allowed.”

“I don’t know, Yamcha. Maybe we should trust Goku and Vegeta- they seemed to think it was okay to just let him leave-“

“Or maybe they just wimped out and didn’t want another fight? If I had been there I’d make sure Frieza’s revival was as temporary as they had originally planned…” Yamcha’s eyes suddenly lit up and he grabbed Puar by the hands. “That’s it! I’m gonna do what Vegeta and Goku couldn’t- I’m gonna finish off that jerk once and for all!”

“Yamcha? That’s a dangerous idea-“

“I know it is, but that’s why I have to do it! If I don’t, then who will? If Vegeta and Goku aren’t gonna keep the Earth safe then I guess the duty just falls to me, doesn’t it? And then Bulma’s gonna wish she stayed with me, and everyone will see that Yamcha isn’t just someone they can push aside or write off!”

“But Yamcha, you know Frieza is stronger than you, if the Saiyans weren’t strong enough to be defeat him-“

“Look, I may not be as strong as Frieza or the Saiyans, I know that. But I’m smart. And I’m coming up with a plan!”

“But if you fail, you’ll die!”

Yamcha looked his friend in the eye. “That’s a risk I’m willing to take. I’d rather die while shooting for glory than live another day as a loser.”

“But I don’t want to live without you, Yamcha! You’re my oldest and closest friend! I’d miss you too much!”

Yamcha shook his head. “Then I’m gonna need to succeed for your sake, aren’t I? Don’t worry Puar, this plan I’m thinking up, it’s foolproof. So put your faith in me, okay?”

Puar sighed. “Okay, Yamcha. I’ll have faith in you… and um, I have to ask, are you sure you don’t still have feelings for-“

“NO. I told you, that was a heat of the moment thing! I’m not gay and I’m not into jerks like Frieza!”

“Okay, okay! Just asking! Just, if you’re going to do this, please be careful! Don’t get yourself killed!”

End Chapter Two: He’s a Loser But He Still Keeps On Trying

Author’s Note: The next chapter is kinda long, might want to grab a beverage. Thanks for reading!

 


	3. I’m On The Hunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamcha journeys into space to set his plan in action. He probably should have spent some more time working out the important details, though, like... how to actually find Frieza? Meanwhile, Frieza needs a new recruit for his crumbling army, and well, what do you know, he's got a sensible and handsome volunteer! This chapter is a long one, my apologies.

The best plans are the simplest. Overthinking things leads to hesitation. So, step one of Yamcha’s plan to take down Frieza? Well, getting up into outer space should be a good start. Options for that varied, ranging from making a wish on the dragon balls to asking Bulma if he could borrow a ship from her. But finding the recently scattered dragon balls would take time and quite a bit of effort, and asking for help from the very people he was hoping to impress didn’t sit well with him.

Telling himself that the end justified the means, the former desert bandit decided one final theft wouldn’t be such a bad thing. By the time the morning paper’s headlines mentioned a factory break in and theft of SpaceX’s most advanced rocket the thief himself was already far, far away. 

\- - - 

Three days in space and Yamcha was bored out of his mind and starting to have doubts in his air tight plan. The ship’s fuel gauge was pointed to just a little over half a tank, and he had no idea how to go about finding Frieza. “Man, I guess I shouldn’t have assumed that it would be easy to locate the emperor of space in, you know, space,” he muttered to himself in between sit ups. Much like Goku on the way to Namek, he had decided to busy himself with training, but there’s only so much one can do with the limited room inside a rocket! 

Sitting open on his lap was the several inch thick “Rocket Instruction and Maintenance Manual” that he had swiped off a desk back at the factory, which he was about a quarter of the way into from reading a sentence with each sit up. It was probably the driest and most technical thing he had ever read, and he couldn’t help but wish he had Bulma here to read it for him. When he switched to push ups he left it on the floor under his face and nearly fell asleep mid set on it a few times… until he turned to a page detailing the use of the ship’s “Communications System.”

“Wait just a minute! I can send out a call from this ship?!” Moments later he was at the helm, carefully following the instructions to send out a message on the widest possible frequency. Crossing his fingers that alien tech was close enough to ours to get this to work, he took a deep breath and leaned toward what he assumed was the microphone. “Attention, any representatives of Frieza’s Galactic Empire! Is anyone there?”

He waited, listening to the dim crackle of the speaker, repeating his call every couple minutes. Right when he was nearly ready to give up and continue venturing blindly forth a sudden voice made him jump. “This is General Cake. Who are you and what business do you have with the Empire?”

“Oh, I’m a friend of Frieza’s and I need to see him immediately. Can you help me get to him?”

The laughter of this ‘General Cake’ person sounded harsh. “Right. A friend of Lord Frieza, sure. Well, if you really want to see him, maybe I’ll arrest you and if you’re lucky he might drop by to inspect the prison at some point?” Suddenly out of no where a ship appeared in the once vacant space in front of Yamcha’s rocket, grabbing him with some sort of tractor beam.

“Oh shit... I hope this works…”

\- - - 

An hour or so of stunningly fast travel later and Yamcha’s rocket was dropped roughly on a strange, dark planet, devoid of features other than a few small hills and dominated by a large citadel of some sort a few hundred yards away. The gravity felt off- he wasn’t completely sure, but it seemed stronger than what he was used to? Similar to what he had experienced when he trained on King Kai’s planet all those years ago. A chilling thought suddenly hit him- “oh no, I hope there’s air here…” he didn’t have time to wonder about it for long though, as the door was suddenly blown off it’s hinges. Composing himself as much as he could under such strange circumstances, Yamcha turned to face it and saw a somewhat humanoid creature in battle armor with bulging muscles and a pitiful ki. 

“I am General Cake,” stated the alien, “and by the power granted to me by Lord Frieza I’m placing you under arrest for suspicious and disrespectful behavior!”

“Oh come on! I’m not suspicious!” Yamcha replied, “Really! Take me to Frieza and I’ll prove that we know each other!” 

“The only place you’re going is prison. And I’m warning you, try any funny business and I will vaporize you!” General Cake pointed to a ray gun of some sort that was strapped to his right arm. 

Yamcha was unimpressed. Half a second and one Spirit Ball later, the weapon was laying on the ground in pieces and the General was on his knees. “Please don’t kill me! I’ll take you to Lord Frieza right away! I promise!”

“Now that’s what I wanted to hear!”

\- - - 

Word had been sent to Frieza that General Cake was returning early from his reconnaissance mission in the Milky Way galaxy due to having encountered and arrested a suspicious person. The Emperor was more than a little ticked off by this news, as he would have preferred his general just kill whoever it was and complete the originally assigned objective. “When he arrives I’ll have to teach him a lesson on the importance of following his orders to the letter!” Frieza thought, watching out the window as Cake’s ship landed in the distance. It was towing a very strange looking craft that Frieza couldn’t recognize. It reminded him of the most antiquated of jet propulsion based rockets, the sort of thing he had only seen in museums. 

Turning away from the window, he grabbed a glass of wine and relaxed in his hover chair with it. These days he stayed in his so called fourth form, feeling no need to transform to suppress his power like he once did. Sipping his drink, he wondered who he should promote to replace Cake… his army really was in shambles these days. Good help is so hard to find! While Zarbon and Dodoria had certainly turned out to be disappointments, he missed the days when he could rely on them to take care of the day to day details of running his empire. At the moment, due to lack of a trustworthy right hand man, he was having to waste his time on such things personally. It didn’t suit him in the slightest, but what was the alternative?

He was startled out of his thoughts by a loud crash and the sound of shouting outside his quarters. Beyond irritated and certain someone had done something stupid, he flew his chair to the door and out into the main hall-

\- - - 

“Let me go!” Yamcha yelled, shoving two aliens to the floor. He tried to run forward, but a third alien tackled him from behind. He went down hard and nearly had the wind knocked out of him, but managed to roll over and kick the soldier off of him, sending him flying into the wall. Yet another grabbed him and shoved him against the floor, pinning his arms before dragging him back to his feet- and face to face with Frieza. Even having fought side by side so recently, he was nearly choked by the power of Frieza’s overwhelming Ki.

Frieza was surprised but quickly recomposed himself. “You’re… Son Goku’s human associate.”

“Yeah, the sensible and handsome one, remember?” Asked Yamcha, as he continued to try and pull his arms free. “Do you mind calling off your guard?”

“Well, considering this is a surprise visit, I don’t think you’ll blame me for wanting to know why you’re here before I order him to unhand you?” Frieza gestured to the multiple unconscious or injured members of his guard laying around the room, “from the looks of things, I think it would be best if we keep you restrained.” 

“Oh, that was just self defense,” Yamcha said nervously, ceasing his struggling and doing his best to look as dignified as he could under the circumstances. “Look, I’m here because I want to offer you my services as a member of your army. I can help you finally get your revenge against Goku.”

Frieza laughed in his usual unnervingly polite way. “You can, can you? Then tell me, Yamcha, was it? Why would you expect me to believe you would willingly betray your friend? And further, what makes you think I need the help of an Earthling?”

“It’s because I need your help too,” Yamcha answered, carefully speaking the lie he had rehearsed on his way through space. “I want you to help me kill Vegeta. He stole everything I’ve ever wanted from me, and I know you’re the only one other than Goku who’s strong enough to be able to even put a scratch on him.”

One of Frieza’s many skills that so suited him to leadership was his ability to read people. While he still had doubts as to the plausibility of a hero changing sides so quickly, he could certainly tell that Yamcha’s distaste for Vegeta came from a genuine place. It’s not like the human posed any real threat to Frieza, so he supposed he should at least hear him out… “Alright then. That’s certainly a cause I can get behind, as I’d be more than happy to see that traitor Vegeta put in his place myself. Guard, you may release our guest.”

Yamcha rubbed at his sore arms. “Geez, that guy doesn’t play around,” he muttered, watching the retreating guard out of the corner of his eye. 

“I do try to surround myself with the best, which naturally includes the strongest, as well,” Frieza smiled- but then a very disheveled and out of breath General Cake burst into the room, and the smile quickly faded. “Ah yes, my dear, useless Cake…”

The lack of use of a title was not lost on him. “Lord Frieza! I’m so sorry, I vastly underestimated this interloper! It won’t happen again!” He lifted his wrist, which he had at some point between the ship and this hall refitted with a new blaster and aimed it at Yamcha. “I’ll take care of him immediately, I am so, so sorry that he has managed to intrude upon you like this!” 

“That won’t be necessary, Cake. In fact there’s only one request you’ll need to worry about right now, and that’s showing General Yamcha to his new quarters, then relieving yourself of duty, permanently.”

“General Yamcha?” Both the former and newly hired/promoted generals were surprised. 

“Of course. After all, he seems at least somewhat more capable than a good portion of my force… How many did you have to fight through to get to me, Yamcha?”

“Uh… well there was the two out front, then the three guys in here… oh and that jerk,” he gestured to a very angry looking Cake. “If he was your general, then respectfully, Frieza, you really do need my help.”

“Lord Frieza,” the emperor corrected him. “I have agreed to take you into my service in a most generous capacity, so please make sure you use the proper title for your new leader. After all, you’ve yet to fully convince me of your loyalty, and I do not tolerate anything less than full respect from my team.”

“Oh, um, of course Lord Frieza! I won’t make that mistake again!” Yamcha bowed repeatedly.

“Lord Frieza, surely you’re kidding?” Cake asked in desperation. “This thing just comes in here, speaks disrespectfully, and beats me up and you just go with it?!”

“Do not question me, Cake. Now, I gave you an order a moment ago, have you already forgotten? Take General Yamcha to your former quarters, and then take yourself somewhere very far away from my sight. For now I’m not planning on killing you- consider it a very generous severance package as an appreciation for your hard work in the, what was it, one month you spent in my employ? But if you make me repeat myself even one more time…” A ball of ki began to form on the tip of his index finger, and he slowly pointed it toward the former general. “Now, I believe I’ve made myself abundantly clear.”

“Yes sir! Thank you sir! Your mercy and generosity are legendary!” Cake shouted, then quickly backed out of the hall. Yamcha followed him, but glanced back over his shoulder at Frieza. 

The emperor met his eye. “Tomorrow morning. Meet me here at sunrise. I look forward to hearing how you think you can help me get my revenge.”

“I’ll be there!” Yamcha beat a quick retreat after the still terrified Cake, who basically just pointed at a room before running full tilt out of the facility. 

After a moment of fumbling to figure out how the door worked, Yamcha was finally alone. He leaned against the inside of it and slowly sunk to the floor. “I… I can’t believe that worked! But it did! It worked!” Suddenly energized he jumped back up and ran a few laps around the room, pumping his fists in the air and laughing like an idiot. “I’m not dead! And… I’m a general!? Heh, General Yamcha, I kinda like the sound of that…” He then busied himself by exploring his quarters- a quick task, as it was just a small bedroom and bathroom- and gathering up what appeared to be Cake’s personal items and tossing them in the trash. 

Having no idea when sunrise was and not wanting to mess his plan up at this point by immediately displeasing the emperor and losing his already minimal trust in him, Yamcha drank a gallon of water- his bladder was a reliable alarm clock. He then laid back on the decently comfortable bed and stared up at the ceiling. “Still though… Frieza sure looked regal in that flying throne thing…”

\- - - 

The next morning, Frieza rose an hour prior to sunrise, showered- a quick task when you have no hair- and then started the morning’s paperwork over breakfast. The papers stacked higher every day it seemed, and he had long since given up on finding the bottom of his email inbox. Frieza hated it. Zarbon used to take care of this tedious task, but once again, a lack of decent help meant these things fell to him. After a few minutes he gave up, deciding he’d delegate them to whoever bothered him first that day. “I wonder if Yamcha is any good at accounting…” he wondered, then laughed to himself. “And I’d love to know what he’s really up to with this game of serving me. Might as well get what work I can out of him…”

Frieza figured he’d spend the morning finding out how a human was supposed to help him defeat a Super Saiyan, as well as determining if Yamcha was indeed loyal to his cause, or at least loyal enough to be useful. “It pains me that someone weak enough to be killed by a Saibaman was able to show up most of my royal guard like that. If he behaves, I should at least keep him around as my personal security detail…” Frieza wouldn’t mind that in the slightest, as he certainly enjoyed looking at Yamcha. As his love of wine and other signs of his high class would indicate, he was a being  of refined tastes, and that extended to appreciating having things of beauty around him. His lifestyle necessitated a certain degree of sparseness, however, as hauling an art collection between planets would be logistically disastrous…. But when he found that rare thing, individuals attractive enough to catch his eye that were also valuable members of his army, well, there could be no more ideal marriage of form and function than that! 

As much as he enjoyed Zarbon’s beauty, it was also his strategic mind, as well as his ruthlessness and effectiveness in both combat and clerical work, that made him so ideal as his direct subordinate. This human, Yamcha… His hair reminded Frieza of Zarbon’s. Long, healthy, thick hair was a novelty to the space lizard, one that always grabbed his attention. However, his figure was less than perfect- not as muscular as he preferred. He supposed it was one of the limits of being human. But that rugged, tough sort of handsomeness in Yamcha’s scarred face- he’d take that over Zarbon’s prettiness any day. What a shame that, while he seemed to understand his place, he didn’t exactly strike the emperor as the most detail oriented… Or really, that book smart in general. But he’d meant the compliment he’d given on Earth, and had been quite aware of the effect it had on the human. “Maybe he came here because he’s fallen for me,” Frieza chuckled to himself. “Unlikely, but still, that would be hilarious…”

\- - - 

Yamcha woke twice in the night with a full bladder and each time drank another gallon. The third time he had to run to the toilet he stayed up, seeing the faintest predawn glow in the distance. While showering, he missed the sound of the door to his quarters opening, and as he stepped back into the room in nothing but a towel he was surprised to see someone had shoved some sort of rack of clothing into the middle of the floor. 

Armor. Similar to what the Saiyans and Ginyu Force had worn. “Oh geez… I guess this is the uniform? I don’t wanna wear this…” he muttered, but for lack of a better alternative he pawed through the rack until he found something that looked about his size. 

\- - - 

As the sun slowly made it’s way out from behind a hill, Yamcha stood at attention in the hall from the prior day, trying to get used to his uncomfortable new uniform. He had found an armored shirt similar to what Vegeta and Nappa had worn when they first arrived on Earth that fit reasonably well, though tighter than he’d prefer. The only pants on the rack were laughably oversized, and he’d ended up in what he, for lack of a better term, mentally referred to as a “battle panties.” He’d seen enough to know that this was apparently an acceptable style in Frieza’s army, but he still felt self conscious having so much on display. It didn’t help that they, too, were a bit tight, and chaffed like crazy. 

He didn’t have to wait for long- the large door at the end of the hall opened, revealing Frieza, still lounging in his floating chair. “General Yamcha, I’m very glad you didn’t lose your nerve overnight.”

“Good morning, Lord Frieza,” Yamcha bowed slightly, holding the pose both out of an attempt to look respectful, and to give himself a moment to recompose his face- why couldn’t Frieza suppress his Ki a bit? The sheer power radiating off of him made the human want to reconsider everything and just run!

“Follow me,” the emperor said, and floated back inside the room. Yamcha nervously complied, jumping slightly when the door closed behind him. “Well then, Yamcha, have a seat. I’ve been looking forward to hearing this proposition of yours.”

Yamcha went to pull out a chair, slightly awed by how much larger and more opulently furnished this room was than anything he had yet witnessed in this citadel. But before he could sit down at the massive conference table, Frieza interjected, “wait a moment…” He then floated around, appearing to look the human over. Once again Yamcha was painfully aware of his displayed booty and thighs… 

“It looks like they found you something that fits for the shirt, but the briefs…” 

Letting out a sign of relief, Yamcha laughed nervously and quickly sat down. “Yeah, they’re um… not quite fitting are they?”

Frieza nodded. “Yes… Don’t worry, I’ll order another pair made for you that will be properly fitted. For now, please do as best you can in that oversized pair.”

“O…Oversized?!”

“Do you have a problem you’d wish to address with me, Yamcha?”

“Uh, not all!”

“Good. So please, don’t keep me in suspense any longer…” Frieza grabbed the edge of his floating chair and did a little overdramatic flip out of it, landing across the table from his newest subordinate. “What’s this plan of yours to help me achieve my revenge against Son Goku?”

Yamcha took a deep breath. “Well, Lord Frieza, I’ve heard about what happened when you made your last attempt… Surely the reason you haven’t attacked Earth again is because you know that relying on the brute strength of your Golden form isn’t going to be enough?”

“I hope you didn’t come all the way here just to tell me what I already know,” Frieza answered, a note of irritation in his voice. 

“So uh, I’m thinking what you’ll need to focus on this time is strategy-“

“And you’re telling me you have somehow figured out a proper way to outsmart him? Even where I have failed?”

“Well, you see, I can offer you something no one else can- an opportunity to train so that you can counter the very underpinnings of his fighting style.”

“That’s certainly an enticing thought, but what makes you think you’re the one that can train me?”

“It’s because Goku and I have had some unique shared experiences- I know you see me as just another human member of his entourage, but I’m actually one of his oldest friends. I’m one of the first to ever fight against him, but beyond that, I’ve shared all of his formative martial arts masters- Master Roshi, Kami, King Kai, just as they trained Goku, they’ve trained me.”

“So if I fight you, it will be, in effect, a way of practice fighting against Son Goku? It is a most intriguing idea…”

Emboldened by his success so far, Yamcha continued, “and not only that, but in fighting me, you’ll be forced to favor strategy over strength. This guarantees that what you learn from fighting me will transfer directly to a battle with Goku, even if he’s completely powered up.”

“It’s true…” Frieza sneered, “If I fought you with even the tiniest fraction of my full strength you’d be dead before you knew what hit you. I’d have to suppress my strength to a level more compatible with your own… Not an ideal compromise, but I suppose it’s doable in the name of the greater goal…” Frieza leaned his head on one hand, considering things for a moment. Yamcha held his breath. 

“Well, it’s an imperfect plan, but an intriguing one. I’m more than willing to give it a try.” 

“Really?!” Yamcha jumped up and grabbed Frieza’s hands, startling the emperor. Shaking them enthusiastically, the human continued, “It’s a deal then! And you won’t regret it!” 

“You’re… certainly eager,” Frieza said, pulling his hands back to his sides. “I suppose that means you’re ready to begin immediately?” 

“Of course,” Yamcha answered, trying to fill his voice with confidence even though the reality of actually sparring with Frieza terrified him to the point of light headedness. 

As they left and headed toward one of the reinforced chambers specifically designed for combat simulations, Frieza shoved his still substantial pile of paperwork into the hands of one of the guards flanking the entrance. “Do make sure that winds up in the hands of someone that understands basic mathematical concepts, will you?”

“Yes sir! Right away!”

Meanwhile, Yamcha was trying to quiet his inner screams of terror. So far everything was working, he just had to reassure himself that, given this time with a deliberately underpowered Frieza, he’d be able to find the emperor’s weakness. And then… he’d kill the tyrant. Right?

\- - - 

Almost immediately the plan ran into a roadblock. Generally, if Frieza wanted to suppress his power, he’d transform down a time or two. But, as he wanted to make sure that the differing physical traits of his various forms didn’t skew the results of his training, he decided it would be best if he stayed in his fourth form, as it was most similar to Golden Frieza, and would give results somewhat closer to what could be expected from real full power combat with Goku. And while he was capable of suppressing himself to a degree without transforming, the magnitudes of difference between the two of them physically was greater than either had expected. 

Cringing in pain, Yamcha pulled himself to the his feet, using the wall to steady his shaky legs a bit. “Ok Lord Frieza! I think you almost had it there! Just uh, please hold back a little more? Maybe try and hit me half as hard as that and we’ll be good?”

“This isn’t working…” Frieza answered. “You’re just too weak. If I can’t so much as tap you without you ending up on the opposite side of the room how am I supposed to fight you?” He narrowed his eyes. “I’m starting to doubt this plan. In fact, you really haven’t given me any reason to take it seriously…”

“Oh no, we can make this work!” Yamcha quickly straightened up, trying to ignore the many bruises that were surely forming. “How about… How about we start off with you training defensively instead?”

“Ah, so you’ll hit me while I determine the best strategies to dodge and learn to read your moves…”

“And uh, maybe you can concentrate on improving your ki suppression at the same time so that maybe I don’t die when we switch back to having you on the offensive?”

The new plan in place, and Frieza holding back his own strength as much as he could, both men took on a fighting stance. Yamcha then dived at Frieza, who easily side stepped him. This happened a few more times until the human jumped back a few yards and put his hands together, drawing them slowly back behind him and charging his Ki. “Ka… me…”

“This move…” Frieza recognized the stance and the swift build of energy and for the first time realized Yamcha may have not been exaggerating his usefulness- who’d have known a lowly human could also pull off the Super Saiyan’s signature technique? “I suppose this one I should take seriously!” 

“Ha… me…” 

In that final split second before the attack could be launched, Frieza made his move, leaping to the side and firing a carefully aimed ki blast at Yamcha’s wrists. Having had seen many a similar attempt at stopping this particular attack, Yamcha changed his aim by the slightest of degrees before launching it with a shout. “HA!” The wave of energy absorbed what Frieza had shot and hit its target. The smoke cleared to find Frieza still standing but surrounded by the rubble of what used to be a wall behind him. “Uh oh… Sorry about your room… ahah…”

Brushing the dust off his shoulders, Frieza shook his head. “I should apologize. I underestimated you… you really do have access to some of the Saiyan’s move set. I suppose for a human, you are somewhat exceptional.”

Yamcha felt the heat in his face and knew he was blushing. “Oh, well, you know… I just do my best.” 

“If I had kept my own strength suppressed that might have actually stung a little. You’ve surprised me, Yamcha.” Glancing over his shoulder at the destruction behind him and the slowly assembling group of his slack jawed employees, he frowned. “We’ll need a new training ground, however. I’d forgotten that there was a reason I had stopped using these antiquated rooms…”

With that they agreed to disperse for the day and meet back up the following morning, when Frieza would have a contingency plan in place. Once back in his quarters Yamcha rushed to get out of the uncomfortable armor and had just removed his battle panties when there was a knock at the door. “Damn… it must be the new uniforms being delivered…” Dreading the thought of having even more of his posterior displayed, he approached the door, opening it just a crack and leaning around it in an attempt to preserve his modesty- and found himself once again looking down at Frieza. “Lord Frieza?!” 

The emperor held up a folder of papers and some sort of tablet style device. “I nearly forgot, General, to give you your other assignment for today. We’re a bit short handed right now, which means everyone is having to multitask…”

Holding his hands in front of his junk, Yamcha nodded. “Got it. I’ll uh… see what I can do? You can just set it down… uh-”

Frieza waved the items impatiently. “I haven’t got all day you know.” With that he pushed the door open, causing Yamcha to yelp a little and rearrange his hands for maximum coverage. After setting down the folder on the small desk in the far corner of the room, the emperor turned back toward his newest recruit. “You don’t have to be so uncomfortable, you know. I’d assume my own choice of attire made it obvious that you aren’t required to wear your uniform at all times. If you prefer to stay bare skinned, that’s perfectly acceptable when you aren’t on public duty.”

“That’s… good to know?” Yamcha made no attempt to uncover his junk and walked sideways toward his bathroom before quickly snatching a towel and tossing it around his waist. 

Frieza rolled his eyes and turned to leave. His human general ran behind him to quickly close the door, but his hastily tied towel chose that moment to fall- 

“Oh, and Yamcha…” Frieza looked back over his shoulder and locked eyes with a now very much exposed Yamcha. Both men froze up for a moment, then the emperor glanced down, and looked away, clearing his throat and regaining his composure. “I was going to let you know that the uniform department would be back by this evening to get you your new briefs, but having seen… you… I don’t think we have anything off the rack that will be comfortable. I’ll have to have them make something custom, as I hadn’t realized you were so… gifted in that regard.”

“Thank you Lord Frieza,” Yamcha squeaked out, then slammed the door shut and stood there in shock. “Frieza… saw my manhood… and… he was impressed?!” He sunk to the floor, covering his face with his hands and shaking his head. “Frieza thinks I have a big…! Oh my gawd… he thinks I’m… and… and… why do I care?” He stood back up. “Girls, Yamcha. Girls. Frieza is not a girl, even if he’s prettier than any of them. It doesn’t matter what he thinks of…” 

He then ran into the bathroom and took a very cold, very long shower.

End Chapter Three: I’m On The Hunt

Author’s Note: Sorry if the reference to SpaceX was jarring- I just needed him to get a space ship and didn’t like the idea of him stealing from Capsule Corp, and this sort of technology still isn’t common in the Dragon World, so I just stuck in an IRL company for convenience sake. Also, when I first wrote this I had Frieza using honorifics, as they’re such an important part of how his cold, polite yet disdainful personality is displayed in the original Japanese version, but decided to ax them before publication- so I apologize if any still slipped through my editing. 

 


	4. Please, Get Up My Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamcha and Frieza continue training, but when their difference in strength accidentally leads to a major injury, the emperor comes up with an alternative plan.

Frieza’s morning paperwork was as heavy as ever the following day- in part because he had to double check what he had assigned his newest subordinate the previous afternoon. “Yamcha’s handwriting is terrible…” he muttered to himself. “I can barely read this chicken scratch…”

Having reason to doubt Yamcha was much of an intellectual type, he had given him some relatively simple work, essentially transferring numbers from the month’s ledgers to the annual ones, and the emperor was relieved to see that the task had been accomplished without error even if it was a bit messy. Satisfied, he set it aside and went back to his own workload with a groan. Training couldn’t come soon enough… 

At dawn, he exited his chamber and found Yamcha waiting, as ordered. “Good morning Lord Frieza!” 

After the prior afternoon, he was thankful that his human subordinate’s most distracting area was covered by the armor. Frieza led him outside. “We’ll be training out here today, it seemed the best way to avoid any further property damage…” They approached some sort of dune buggy looking thing. “Can you drive, Yamcha?”

The human’s face lit up. “I have yet to meet a vehicle I couldn’t figure out!” Eager to impress, he jumped into the driver’s seat, Frieza joining him on the passenger’s side. “Let’s see… no pedals, but this seems to be the throttle…” Moments later they were off. “Where are we headed, anyway?”

Frieza, struggling to hold on to the frame while doing up his seat belt, answered “Just out anywhere in the open as long as it’s a good distance from the citadel. You do realize this craft is capable of less reckless speeds, right?”

“But where’s the fun in that?” Yamcha gunned it over a small hill, and, after seeing what the suspension could absorb, did a couple more little hill jumps. 

After a few minutes of this, even Frieza had loosened up and seemed to be enjoying himself, laughing every time the buggy was launched into the air. But with civilization out of view, Yamcha reluctantly found a good place to stop- but not without breaking hard enough to cause the back wheels to leave the ground momentarily. 

“That’s was surprisingly exhilarating,” Frieza laughed. “Are you always such a terrifically bad driver?”

“Whenever I think I can get away with it,” Yamcha answered, smiling. The two men left the vehicle, and the mood turned more serious. 

“Today I will not be satisfied with anything but your best, Yamcha. Attack me as though you are trying to kill me. No restraint.”

“Yes sir!” Yamcha answered. Internally, he contemplated this- for the sake of his plan he’d been trying not to fight at his best. Of course, for the sake of survival he was defending with everything he had. But perhaps Frieza had noticed that he was holding back? While having the space lizard remain unaware of his full strength would prove advantageous to his plan to catch him off guard, that might not be an option… “Alright, I hope you’re ready Lord Frieza, it’s time for me to show you what I can really do!”

And with that, the sparring began. Frieza was merciless even at a fraction of his true strength, but at least the open wilderness around them allowed Yamcha a little space to recover before encountering any hard surfaces. And as uncomfortable as it was, he was starting to understand the appeal of the armor as it soaked up quite a few of Frieza’s blows. 

For his own part, the emperor endeavored to keep himself at three percent of his full strength, and to aim the majority of his blows toward Yamcha’s armored midsection. But as the battle continued he increasingly noticed his opponent’s missteps, and his own ruthless instincts pushed him to take advantage of them. Further, he began to see an issue with how the human attempted to battle. “STOP!” He shouted.

Stumbling to regain his balance mid punch, Yamcha complied. “What’s up?”

“I think I’ve figured out the problem with this approach.” Frieza approached the human. “You’re trying to fight like Son Goku, but you aren’t him…”

“Well, yeah… but I can get close right?”

“Close, but still, not quite. You’re holding yourself back and slowing yourself down by trying to fight like someone else.” Frieza sighed. “It’s worthless. Didn’t you say you’d had much of the same training? So fight like Yamcha. The stylistic parallels should still be evident enough to allow me to improve, and you won’t be suffering from your efforts to be a cheap imitation.”

“If you’re sure…” Yamcha took a deep breath. Well, he supposed this answered his previous uncertainty. Time to impress Frieza with everything he had!

And so, the fight began anew. To Frieza’s satisfaction, Yamcha’s level improved considerably when he just relied on his own fighter’s instinct rather than overthinking each move in an imitation of Goku’s style. And some of his own unique moves were positively ferocious… like a wild dog… 

Yes, Yamcha was a sight to behold on the battlefield… Something entirely unlike Zarbon’s refined style or Dodoria’s brutishness. Something wholy unique, and impressive in form even if the underlying strength backing it up was so completely lacking. 

Perhaps this train of thought was what distracted Frieza, but he slipped up and kicked his opponent with everything he had- “Shit!” Frieza muttered, flying to catch his general before he had a chance to hit one of the distant hills. Dropping him on the ground, he looked down. “My apologies, Yamcha. I forgot to hold back.”

From the dirt, Yamcha tried to brush it off. “It’s ok, I’m fine-“ the sharp pain in his side stopped him and he fell back to the ground, clutching his ribs. “Or not. Damn, that kick of yours is something…”

“From the looks of things, I most likely broke your ribs… possibly worse, judging from your breathing. No matter, this is a quick fix in one of our medical tanks.” He picked the human up, one arm under his back, the other under his knees. “Hold on, I’ll fly you back to the base.”

Yamcha, cringing from the pain, tossed his arms around Frieza’s neck and hung on tight for the quick flight back. 

\- - - 

In the medical bay of Frieza’s main ship, Yamcha clung to consciousness as Frieza shouted for a doctor. Moments later the injured human was being loaded into a tank. Frieza watched, letting the doctor know what had happened. 

“Do keep me updated, will you?” Frieza asked. “I’d hate to have accidentally killed my most promising recruit…”

“Don’t worry Lord Frieza, while the scans show his lungs were indeed perforated by his broken ribs, our machines are already working to stabilize him. He should be back to one hundred percent health within the hour.”

“That is a true relief to hear,” Frieza answered. “Perhaps though… I think I will wait here until he wakes up, just to be sure.”

“If you’re certain, Lord Frieza…”

The emperor then called up his floating chair and took up a post in the medical bay. Sure enough, just shy of an hour later, Yamcha opened his eyes.

\- - - 

After Yamcha was discharged from the medical bay, he returned to his room to sleep off the lingering effects of the anesthetic, and Frieza went back to his quarters for more paperwork. “Planet Frieza 210 needs help again? I suppose 137 could send some men… but if the troops were moved from 137… no, things are more unstable at 137, and it could prove more economically advantageous to take full advantage of their infrastructure and leave 210 to figure things out for themselves…”

With a heavy sigh, he shoved the papers to the back of his desk and leaned back in his chair, allowing his mind to wander back to Yamcha. “I wonder how he’s doing…” Genuine remorse was a rare feeling for the emperor of space- but he felt surprisingly guilty for losing control during his fight with the human. “For someone who is so physically fragile, he’s impressively fearless in battle… He makes it easy to forget we’re just sparring.”

While he could see some shared similarities in their moves, stances, and approach to combat, Frieza felt the difference between Yamcha and Son Goku was considerably greater than even the human realized. It wasn’t just their raw strength that separated them- the Saiyan treated every battle almost like a game, whereas for the human… 

In some ways, Yamcha reminded Frieza of himself when he was pushed to the limit. The fight ceased to be about what was fun- yes, it was about pride, but it was also about survival. For the first time he found himself wondering how the other man had gained those fascinating scars… 

\- - - 

Yamcha finally woke up several hours later in his quarters. Embarrassed to have allowed himself to be so thoroughly defeated, he sat up carefully, but was shocked by the lack of pain from his midsection. In awe, he gently touched his bare rib cage and confirmed they were fully healed. 

“Glad to see you’re doing better, General Yamcha…”

Yamcha jumped, then looked up and noticed Frieza was sitting at his desk. “Lord Frieza?!” He quickly grabbed his sheets and pulled them up to his armpits. 

The emperor of space stood up and crossed the small room, standing beside Yamcha’s bed. “I had a proposition for you. A new plan, if you’re interested.”

“Ok…”

“Obviously, if we have to waste precious hours with you in a medical tank on a daily basis then this current mode of action will take far too long. But I cannot seem to hold myself back against you. So let’s add an extra incentive for me to keep myself reigned in, shall we?”

“What do you mean?” Yamcha asked.

“Well, I’d like you to show me where you first learned to fight on Earth. Not only will I perhaps get some degree of insight into that beautiful, feral way of fighting of yours, but more importantly, I’ll be forced to keep my strength in check, else we’d alert your Saiyan friends to my arrival on their planet.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Yamcha asked. “I learned to fight from necessity, in the desert… It’s a harsh place. Feral, sure, and maybe occasionally beautiful, but not a place most people would want to spend time…”

“All the better, we’ll be assured our solitude then,” Frieza answered, then turned to leave. “Tomorrow morning. Have your things packed and be ready to head out. And…” he stopped at the doorway, but didn’t look back at the other man. “Make sure you rest as needed to complete your healing, Yamcha. I don’t want to regret this.” 

As the door shut, Yamcha stared blankly ahead. “Was… he actually being nice?!”

\- - - 

The emperor of space headed back to his quarters, gathering up what remained to the day’s workload and calling in a servant to deliver it somewhere. He wasn’t feeling too particular about where. A training mission in the heart of enemy territory sounded far more exciting, and after locking up behind the departing servant and assuring his room was secure, he laid down to sleep. He was looking forward to it being just himself and Yamcha… No forms to fill out, troop orders to finalize, or budgets to approve. He couldn’t wait. 

Yes, even though he still was certain that the human man’s loyalty had an ulterior motive, he was enjoying their time together. It was almost like having Zarbon back… A handsomer, dumber, less capable, yet more adorable Zarbon.

\- - - 

The following morning, the two men met at the shuttle launching area. Yamcha’s stolen rocket still resting on the ground where it had been left. Frieza appraised Yamcha’s appearance. “No uniform today?”

The other man was instead in a white button up top and dark pants. “I’d be happy to wear it if you preferred, but for travel this is much more comfortable… and it fits in much better on Earth, anyway.”

Frieza nodded. “I suppose that’s true. But we won’t be in transit long. We’re taking my fastest ships.” The two headed toward two small pod shaped crafts not too dissimilar to what the Saiyans used for their journey to Earth. Setting the route took a few minutes- Yamcha was a little disturbed to see that Frieza appeared to have Earth’s coordinates memorized- due to needing to figure out how to translate the GPS location of the former bandit’s desert into something the alien ship’s computer would understand. Once it was all finalized, they were off… 

End Chapter Four: Please, Get Up My Baby

Author’s Note: Sometimes I can’t think of chapter titles so I use lines from Yakuza karaoke songs then never replace them because I can’t think of anything better. Anyway, now we’re getting into the meat of the story. If you’ve read this far, thank you! Things pick up quite a bit from here! 

 


	5. The Things I Tell You In My Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamcha and Frieza arrive on Earth to continue their training. They both learn quite a bit about each other... including some uncomfortable secrets.

Yamcha fell asleep quickly in his space pod and wasn’t sure how long the trip back to Earth took, but it was undoubtably much shorter than his initial journey out into space had been. He was jolted awake by the heat when they entered the Earth’s atmosphere, but only had a moment to admire the view as the ship was descending fast- 

After landing and waiting a moment for the dust and smoke to clear, Frieza stepped out, leaving his pod in the landing crater. Stretching, he took a moment to look around, taking in the wasteland around him. The ground was rough and covered in course sand and sharp little rocks, but the heat of the sun felt glorious. He then walked over to the landing site of his companion’s ship… Just in time to see Yamcha crawl out. 

“I thought I was gonna die,” he moaned, standing up and rubbing his bruised head, “are crash landings the norm for these things?”

Ignoring the question, he asked one of his own. “So this is where you learned to fight? It’s not quite as dramatic as you lead me to expect, but it should work for our purposes.” 

“Oh trust me, you’ll see what I mean soon enough,” Yamcha answered as he fished through his pockets and pulled out his capsule case. Moments later a small structure appeared in front of them. 

“What is… that?” Frieza asked. 

“Oh, it’s a tiny home! They’re like, the big trend right now in resource conscious home building! I bought this one a year or so ago, it’s really upped my camping game-“

“Tiny, yes… home? That’s a stretch…” Frieza muttered, then turned his attention back to Yamcha. “For now we won’t worry about that. We came all the way out here for a reason after all.”

\- - - 

The two men trained through the afternoon and into the night. Frieza’s gamble seemed to have paid off- with no choice but to keep his ki in check he was finally able to properly spar with his much weaker training partner. However, as the sun went down and the temperature dropped dramatically, the emperor seemed distracted. “It was so blessedly hot earlier, how did that change so quickly?”

Yamcha shook his head. “Broiling hot days and freezing cold nights, that’s just how things work in the deserts on this part of the Earth. You’ll get used to it.” Frieza shrugged dismissively, but as they continued sparring the human couldn’t help but notice the emperor starting to favor kicks so that he could keep his arms wrapped around himself. “Lord Frieza, there’s no point in making yourself sick. If you want to take a break and put on a sweater or something-“

“I am perfectly capable of tolerating far colder temperatures than this thank you very much!” Frieza snapped. “And clothing doesn’t help me much, I’m cold blooded in every sense of the phrase!”

“Okay, but maybe we can take a break anyway? I can make a fire.”

“…very well. We’ve been at this for hours anyway.”

Yamcha quickly made a campfire with some wood he had stored in another of his camping capsules and a small blast of ki. Frieza was at it immediately, sitting so close that the human wondered how he avoided getting burnt.

“This isn’t as pitiful as it looks, you know,” Frieza said. “Normally my ki is sufficient for regulating my temperature, it’s only for the sake of trying to avoid detection that I’m having to resort to this. I wouldn’t want you to think you’ve found my weakness.”

Yamcha cringed slightly. “Why uh… why would I want to find your weakness? I’m here to help make you stronger, remember?”

“And I still have few reasons to trust you on that claim. Now, if we are stopping here for the evening, I hope you haven’t forgotten that you’re playing host to the most powerful being in space?”

“Yes Lord Frieza! My apologies!” Yamcha rushed inside the tiny home, wishing he wasn’t so transparent. He kept the kitchen stocked so as to always be ready for spur of the moment trips, and tried desperately to cook something impressive enough that it would win Frieza’s trust, or at least make him forget to doubt him so much. 

He took extra time trying to find the least beat up of his dishes and cutlery, but gave up after a few minutes of rummaging- there was no way anything he owned was even close to the emperor’s standards. He did, however, find a case of wine that he had forgotten about. “I was saving these in case I had a hot date, but… Frieza likes wine…”

Once he was back outside, he found his companion still sitting practically in the fire. “Sorry for the wait, Lord Frieza.” 

Frieza accepted his plate of food and glass of wine, sniffing each before looking staring down his subordinate. “Just to be clear, there’s no poison in either of these, correct?”

“Of course not! Here, I’ll prove it…” Yamcha leaned over and took a sip from the glass and then a spoonful of the food.

Satisfied, Frieza took a small bite of his food, then looked up in surprise. “What is this?”

“Oh, I didn’t have a lot on hand so I just made a basic stew-“

“You made this? Just now?”

“Yeah… Is it ok? I can make something else-“

“General, I think you’ll be putting my personal chef out of a job.”

The human felt the heat building in his cheeks and once again found himself trying to hide his blush. “I’m happy it meets your standards, Lord Frieza.”

They ate in silence for a moment, until Frieza lifted and examined the wine bottle. “This is very different from what I normally drink. It’s harsher.”

“Well, um, I’m sure you can afford the best. Unfortunately all I have is a couple bottles of that same chardonnay so I can’t offer you something more to your taste.”

Despite the negative review, Frieza finished his glass over the course of the meal. He then stood up and walked over to the tiny home, Yamcha close behind. Inside, Frieza inspected the place. It was then that he noticed a small framed photo collage sitting on the counter, and picked it up to take a look. “So you carry around photos of the very friends you’re in the process of betraying, hmm?”

Yamcha flinched. “Oh that? You can toss it out, ha ha…”

Frieza regarded him with a look of suspicion, then looked back to the frame. “Is this you?” The human nodded. “Whatever possessed you to cut your hair so short?”

“Just wanted to change up my look a bit I guess? And short hair was pretty fashionable then-“

The emperor set the photos back down and approached Yamcha, reaching up a hand to touch his hair. The taller man froze up instantly. “I like it long. See to it that it stays that way for the duration of your employ, will you?” 

“Yes sir!” Yamcha answered nervously.

“So where will you be sleeping, anyway?” 

“Well, there’s a bedroom area on the loft up the stairs, I figured you could use that, and then I’d take the couch-“

“That’s no good. I can not sleep without complete privacy and isolation. For security.” He looked Yamcha in the eye. “There are no exceptions to this. Don’t forget that I could kill you with ease even with my ki suppressed, so please, no funny ideas. Now, OUT.”

\- - - 

Attempting to get comfortable enough to sleep back in his space pod, Yamcha kicked the wall in frustration. “I just don’t get that Frieza! Why does he have to be such an ass?! And how is it that he seems to always see right through me?” He leaned forward, his hair falling in his face… and reminding him of what had transpired inside a few minutes ago… He quickly brushed it back. “That’s the worst part. Why is he so… charming? I wish he wouldn’t mess with my head like that. Maybe I should tell him outright that I’m straight, and that he shouldn’t get any ideas… Of course I can’t say that, oh my gawd, he’ll think I’m coming on to him with reverse psychology or something.”

He kicked the wall again. “I’m in over my head here, how am I supposed to stab him in the back if he still doesn’t trust me?” A dark little feeling deep inside the human wondered why he even still was even bothering with his original plan but he shut it up quickly. “I wonder why he gets under my skin so much. I mean, he’s a man and I don’t like men… but then again, with his alien body, I don’t even know if he has a biological gender in the human sense anyway. It’s not like I’ve seen a penis, or a vagina, or anything that looks like a sex organ on him. Maybe he fucks with his tail? That would be awkward-“ he quickly shut down that thought. “Yeah, he’s probably physically genderless or something. No sex organs for me to get worked up thinking about, just those beautiful, full lips…” suddenly aware that his body was responding to this train of thought, he kicked the wall one last time and tried to force himself to think about anything else. It didn’t work. “Damn it, Lord Frieza… ok Yamcha, shut your eyes and think about Bulma… Bulma… Yes…” With that he was able to relax himself.

Several hours had passed when Yamcha awoke to the sudden sense of a powerful, menacing energy enveloping him. After a moment of disorientation before he remembered where he was, he realized what he was feeling- Frieza’s unsuppressed ki. “What on earth… Is he fighting someone?”

Yamcha bolted out of the pod and rushed to the tiny house. There was no sign of any sort of struggle however, so he flew up to the small window that looked into the loft area, ready to break it out and jump in to a fight- but instead all he saw was Frieza, there in Yamcha’s bed, the blankets kicked off and his arms held up like he was fending someone off-

“Stay back! Stay back or I’ll make you stay back!” Frieza growled, but his voice was muffled- 

“Is he… having a nightmare?” Yamcha wondered. Either way, his surging ki was going to draw a lot of attention, so for lack of a better idea, the human yanked open the window. “Hey! Hey Lord Frieza!”

Almost too fast to see the emperor sat up, spun toward the window, and lifted his hand- then regained himself. And oh boy, did he look angry. “Yamcha, I think it’s time you explain why you felt it necessary to ignore my direct request to be left alone while I sleep?!” 

Having the feeling he might not be alive much longer anyway, Yamcha decided to be mostly honest. “Uh, your ki woke me up, it was rising like you were in a fight, so I came to see if I could help, and uh… I guess you were in the middle of a bad dream? But I didn’t want you to accidentally alert Goku and the rest so I woke you up…”

“I do not suffer from such childish things as nightmares. I suggest you forget what you saw and go back to bed or else I’ll have to find myself a new general.” 

“Yes sir!” Feeling lucky to be alive, the human rushed back to his pod. 

Back in the loft, Frieza closed the window and sat back on the bed. “Damn… Damn him. He had to see that… The fact that I didn’t kill him on the spot is proof I’m getting too soft.” Sleep talking had been a lifetime affliction of the emperor, despite many attempts by his father to beat the habit out of him. It didn’t help that the majority of the time he had the same few dreams- dreams of his deaths, dreams of his childhood, dreams of the cloying boredom of Earth’s hell… these nightmares, this weakness of his, it was something that he had made a point of hiding, to the point of killing anyone who happened to find out. “And yet I spared that human…”

Laying back down and trying to return to sleep while keeping his ki in check, he contemplated Yamcha. “I’m not sure what he’s doing to me, but it’s dangerous. Somehow, despite his insufficient strength and lacking intellect, he’s getting the better of me. Once I feel I’ve gotten what I need out of him, I’ll have to kill him. I can’t let someone have this sort of power over me.” Try as he might, sleep eluded him the rest of the night.

The following morning, Yamcha once again approached the tiny house. As he did, the door swung open and Frieza stepped out. Before Yamcha could say anything, Frieza silenced him. “You saw nothing last night, Yamcha. Nothing.”

“Of course Lord Frieza, nothing at all!” He then went inside to make breakfast for them. As he was looking through the cupboards trying to decide what to cook (after all, he felt a bit of pressure to live up to yesterday’s praise), he heard a voice behind him. 

“By the way, General, this device was lighting up all night. It made sleep difficult…”

The human realized the device in question was his cell phone, still unchecked after his several days in space. “Whoops, that’s my phone, sorry, I’ll take care of it right now.”

He grabbed it and started to shut it off, but Frieza stopped him. “Shouldn’t you check your messages and respond as needed? That would be the least suspicious thing to do, wouldn’t it?”

“Oh, right…” Yamcha took a look- four missed calls from Bulma, and three from work. “I’m fucked…” He started to dial Bulma first, but as it rang, Frieza grabbed the phone, hit the speaker icon, then handed it back, saying nothing. The human sighed but didn’t question it. 

“Yamcha?! Where were you all week? I was starting to get worried, and Vegeta even said he couldn’t feel your ki!”

“Oh yeah, sorry about that Bulma, I… broke my phone? And the new one just came in. As for not being able to find me, I was definitely still on Earth and not up to anything in space or anything, I’ve just, uh, been training and practicing suppressing my ki, you know, in case anything else like the Android 21 situation came up.”

“Really? That’s actually perfect… the reason I was trying to get ahold of you in the first place was that I needed a test subject, I was working with Jaco to develop some ki suppressing handcuffs for the galactic patrol to use and Vegeta refuses to wear them for even a minute of observation. Wanna drop by Capsule Corp and help a girl out?”

“Well I mean, if I had a device doing it for me it would defeat the purpose of training right? So I’ve got to pass on this one,” Yamcha answered, trying to wrap up the call. 

“Oh?” Bulma answered, a hint of something mischievous in her voice. “Wow, you know, I can remember a time years ago when you would practically beg me to handcuff you-“

“OKAY I GOTTA GO BYE BULMA!” Yamcha quickly hung up and glanced over, praying Frieza hadn’t been paying attention to that last detail… 

No such luck. “Oho ho ho, I had no idea you had such a kinky side, General…” the emperor snickered for a moment more, and Yamcha, cringing, looked away and instead dialed to call back his team’s manager. 

“Yamcha, where the hell have you been?!”

“Oh yeah, about that… Um…” He glanced at Frieza, “I actually joined the army! In fact I’m here with my commanding officer right now-“

“I don’t care what you’re up to. You missed practice this week. Are you still planning on showing up to today’s charity event?”

“…maybe? What was it again?”

“Are you kidding me, Yamcha? We’re building houses for underprivileged people, we talked about it at the last team meeting, which, incidentally, was two days ago, and lacked your presence!”

Before he could reply, Frieza snatched the phone, muted it, and stated, “we’re going, we don’t want to make anyone suspicious, remember?” He then shoved the phone back in it’s owner’s hand.

“I’ll be there! My army superior is going to come with-“

“Yamcha, you can bring the emperor himself with you for all I care. Just show up!” His manager hung up there, then the phone glowed with a text including the time and location of the event. 

“Well, general, how much time do we have before your engagement?” Frieza asked, sitting on the couch. 

“About two hours? I’m surprised you wanted to go too…”

“Two hours? Then I suspect you still have time to make my breakfast, Yamcha. As for my accompanying you, we’re here on your home turf- I want to be sure you aren’t planning a double cross.” What Frieza didn’t mention was that he was a bit curious as to what his general’s daily life was like prior to joining him. 

\- - - 

Yamcha was once again overjoyed to be praised heavily by Frieza for that morning’s meal- apparently, coffee was something new to the emperor, and he was going to be expecting it on a daily basis from then forward. Afterwards, they prepared to head in to the city, which led to some minor complications. 

“Lord Frieza… with all due respect, if you’re going to be seen in public, you should probably wear something. Nudity is considered… ungentlemanly… on Earth.” Yamcha opened his closet and gestured toward it. “I know it’ll be a little long on you, but you’re welcome to borrow anything of mine-“

“I have clothing of my own, Yamcha,” the emperor answered, and left, headed toward the space pod he had arrived in. Yamcha took this moment of privacy to quickly change into one of his uniforms. A moment after he had finished buttoning up his shirt the front door opened, and the human went slack jawed. 

“What, will this not work?” Frieza asked, crossing his arms. 

“No, no, that’s perfect, I just didn’t think you’d own a suit!” Yamcha stammered. Damn it all, why did Frieza have to look so effortlessly beautiful all the time? The suit was clearly expensive and perfectly tailored, and somehow managed to make it’s wearer look all the more elegant… and very distracting. The human swallowed a couple times and quickly turned to the mirror and pretended to be arranging his hair under his cap as an excuse to look away. 

Frieza approached him, standing too close for Yamcha’s comfort. “What is this you’re wearing?”

“Well, this is what I wear to work. I’m a professional baseball player- it’s a sport that’s popular here on Earth. For charity events they always want us in our uniforms, for photos, you know?”

“I see. Baseball huh? I’m not familiar with the game. Perhaps I’ll watch you play it sometime.”

“Anything you’d like, Lord Frieza,” Yamcha answered, taking a step or two back. “We should get going or we’ll be late…”

End Chapter Five: The Things I Tell You In My Sleep

Author’s Note: You know, I can’t for the life of me remember if it’s confirmed that Yamcha’s still playing baseball in Super or not. I need to rewatch the baseball episode, that might mention if he’s still a pro or retired. Whatever. For the sake of this fic we’ll go with still playing. Anyway, if there’s anyone in the Dragon Ball universe who couldn’t be blamed for having nightmares, it’s Frieza. He’s seen some shit, after all, and unlike the heroes, he has an obligation to push that stuff down and appear tough when he’s awake… but when he’s asleep, all bets are off. Looks like Yamcha found Frieza’s weakness after all, not that he can do much with it.

 


	6. Look At The Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamcha and Frieza attend a charity event... and later, things get a little romantic.

Yamcha parked his car outside the job site and got out, then, when noticing his companion was still sitting on the passenger side and glaring at him, he rushed over and opened the door for him. “Sorry about that, Lord Frieza…” 

Frieza said nothing as they approached a group of men dressed similarly to Yamcha. “Hey guys!” He shouted to his teammates, “Sorry for missing practice!”

The team manager approached, irritated. “Glad you could make it, Yamcha…” he paused to look at Frieza. “Geez, the army takes all types these days,” he muttered. 

As the team were briefed by the construction foreman as for what they’d be doing, Frieza took a seat on the sidelines, watching. Yamcha did his best to ignore him. After the team posed for a few photos- the publicity, after all, was the main reason for these charity days- they swapped their baseball caps for hardhats and got to work. 

The longer Frieza watched, the more irritated he became. When he could take it no more, he stood up and approached a group of construction workers. “Pardon me, but I need to speak with whoever is in charge of this operation.” 

A massively buff stereotype of a man stepped forward. “I’m the foreman on this job. What do you want?”

Despite the foreman’s attempts Frieza was, predictably, unintimidated. “The framing of this structure would be far more stable with a few minor changes to the joins. It pains me to see it going up as is.”

“Ha! This is up to code. What makes a pale little punk in a suit like you think he knows the first thing about construction, anyway?” His buddies snickered, but Frieza just smiled. 

“I promise you, I know a great deal more about all aspects of real estate than the all of you put together.” He headed toward the job site, blocked only for a moment by the foreman, who somehow found himself on the ground without even registering what hit him. Frieza paused just long enough to remove his jacket, tie, and shirt, and toss them to another member of the crew. “Hang these up for me will you? And be careful. They’re worth more than your life.”

Yamcha was pretty shocked to notice Frieza inserting himself into their group, but his natural leadership skills and effective, if unorthodox, approach to construction resulted in the whole team following his orders. When the human stepped away for a quick water break, he quietly admired the emperor, who was busy drilling some two by fours in just his suit pants and a hard hat. “I might finally understand that whole ‘sexy construction worker’ thing…” he said to himself, then, realizing where his mind was going, concluded that heat exhaustion must be getting to him, and pounded a few more cups of water. Still, he snuck out his phone and snapped a picture… Just because. 

With Frieza’s assistance, the project moved along at record pace, and by the end of the day several days worth of progress had been made. On their way out, the foreman approached. “Hey! Your name, it was Frieza, right? Sorry about earlier. Uh… you need a job?”

The emperor laughed dismissively. “I’m far too busy to trouble myself with paltry projects like this one on a regular basis, thank you.”

After Yamcha drove off, one of his lingering team mates turned to another. “I’ll bet you one hundred zeni that those two are a couple.”

“Ha! I don’t make bets if I know I’m going to lose them. I saw the way they looked at each other just as much as you did.”

\- - - 

As they had long since lost their daylight by the time they were home in the desert, they decided to skip training that day. Frieza, back in his usual attire (or lack thereof), was once again dangerously close to a campfire, and Yamcha was cooking. Once he brought the meal and another bottle of wine out, he sat down at a more sensible distance.

This time, the emperor dug in without any suspicion or hesitation. “If only you hadn’t been hiding these cooking skills of yours for so long… I weep for the meals I could have been eating over the past years.”

Yamcha laughed awkwardly and turned to his own food, stuffing his face to give himself an excuse to look away. When would he be able to take a compliment from Frieza without turning into a nervous wreck? “I’m glad it meets your approval… I’m not the only one with a hidden talent though, what was that today? You really know your way around home building!”

“Oh, that?” Frieza paused to finish his glass of wine and pour a second one. “When I was younger and my father was still in the position of emperor, he had me learn the planet trade business from the ground up, including such things as rebuilding.”

“King Cold… You know, I’d almost forgotten about him? You’ve came back twice since then, but he’s stayed dead. I’m… sorry we killed him. And you.”

“Don’t be. He was the most miserable person I’ve ever met.” With that, he downed his second glass of wine, and poured a third. Not wanting to leave the conversation on the topic of his own personal issues, he instead asked Yamcha, “When we first entered this arrangement you told me that Vegeta had taken everything from you. I’d be interested to hear more about that.”

Yamcha sighed. “Well, he kinda stole the woman of my dreams.”

Frieza was unimpressed. “Is that all? Any woman that chooses that filthy Saiyan over someone like you is hardly worth your time.”

“No, you don’t get it! She was my first love and the first woman I was able to even hold a conversation with without passing out! And we were together, or at least on again, off again, for years, you know? Yet every time I was ready to commit she wasn’t, or vice versa. Then Vegeta just comes out of nowhere and sweeps her off her feet by being a complete asshole…”

“That still seems like a pathetic reason to want revenge. Why not forget her? From what I saw even in our short trip through civilization today, there are plenty of people on this planet.”

Yamcha shook his head, his tone bitter. “Where else am I going to find someone who’s beautiful, smart, rich… I could go on. Besides, it’s probably too late for me now, It’s harder to find love once you start getting old, ha ha…”

“Beautiful, smart, and rich, that’s your criteria? Well, you certainly don’t look too old to me,” Frieza stated, leaning in for a better look. “What’s your age in this planet’s years, anyway?”

Leaning away slightly, Yamcha answered, “I’m in my forties.”

“Just in your forties?!” Frieza started to laugh. “You’re practically still a child, General! Perhaps I should demote you to hall monitor!”

“Please don’t, Lord Frieza…” he said, but was ignored. Once the emperor’s laughter had calmed down, Yamcha asked, “how old are you, anyway?”

With a smirk, Frieza answered, “a true gentleman never tells… but I’m over twice your age.” With that he finished his third glass and lifted the bottle, frowning at how little was left. “I’m starting to grow a liking for this Earth wine. You have more bottles, correct?”

Once Yamcha returned with a fresh bottle, the two men sat in silence. While Frieza drank more, the human thought about what he’d said previously- wasn’t the emperor sort of complimenting him while he was putting down Bulma? 

He heard a clank and glanced over to see Frieza setting down the now empty second bottle. “I’m not sure, but I think the alcohol is stronger here on Earth… perhaps it’s time for me to go to bed?” He went to stand up, lost his balance, and sat back down quickly. “Or maybe I’ll stay here a bit. The fire feels so nice after all…”

“Lord Frieza… are you drunk?”

“Of course not. Just a little tipsy,” he laid back, one arm behind his head as a cushion, the other pointing up into the night sky. “How well do you know the stars, Yamcha?”

It was a particularly clear night with only the smoke from their campfire causing even the slightest of haze. Yamcha looked up. “Pretty well I’d say. I used to navigate by them all the time.”

Frieza chuckled. “Something we have in common, then. I have the star charts for several systems memorized, in case I ever need to abandon ship. I’m not as familiar with this part of the galaxy as I perhaps should be though…”

“I could teach you if you wanted! After all, this is what, your third trip to Earth? Might as well learn our sky!”

“Somehow, I get the impression that learning from you will be a bit more entertaining than my usual methods… Don’t disappoint me, Yamcha.”

“Oh, I’ll make it good, don’t worry,” Yamcha answered, then laid down next to Frieza for ease of sharing the view. No big deal, he thought to himself. I’m just stargazing with a weirdly beautiful alien, nothing romantic about it, just business as usual with my boss that I’m gonna have to kill. He wasn’t fooling even himself. “Ok, so we’ll start with the easy ones. That bright one there, that’s the North Star…”

\- - - 

An hour or two passed. Yamcha impressed even himself with how much he could remember about the night sky, sharing not only names of stars and planets, but also the stories and folklore connected to them. Frieza seemed interested, and fairly amused by the ‘primitive Earthling world view’ that inspired the old legends. However, as the human was chatting about the Pleiades, he noticed the emperor seemed to be falling asleep. 

Remembering the previous night, he didn’t want to end up on the receiving end of the wrath of a recently awoken Frieza. “Okay!” He said loudly as he quickly sat back up, “I think that’s enough for this evening!”

His companion yawned, politely covering his mouth and sitting up as well. “That was a most enlightening lesson, General. You managed to make something that’s usually a chore into a pleasure.” He carefully got to his feet- the time resting had helped sober him up a little, but his coordination was still less than perfect. 

“Here, let me help you…” Yamcha stood as well, and offered Frieza his arm. 

“That won’t be necessary-“ after another slightly unsteady step he quickly changed his mind, “but maybe just to be safe. No one hears a word of this, do you understand?”

“I figured that’s a given, my lord,” Yamcha answered, leading him back to the tiny house. His grip on his arm was… distracting. Strong, of course, but there was a slight gentleness there that would hopefully prevent bruising… or maybe Yamcha was just overthinking things. 

Once they were inside, and had made their way up the stairs, Frieza sat on the bed. Yamcha said a quick good night and turned to leave- but was stopped when something caught his wrist- he looked down to see he’d been grabbed by the emperor’s tail. “Wait a moment, General…”

“Okay…” 

Frieza seemed to be thinking something over. After a moment, he spoke, his expression irritated. “I don’t want a repeat of last night, but as it seems my ki control is limited when I sleep, I’m forced to do something distasteful. While I normally will not under any circumstances permit anyone in my sleeping quarters, I need you in here to wake me if… things get… animated.”

Yamcha’s mind was racing. If he had access to a sleeping, tipsy Frieza… was this that moment of weakness he’d been waiting for? Could he actually go through with it?

As always, the other man seemed to see right through him. “Don’t forget that you’ve hardly earned my trust yet. If you so much as lay a hand on me while I sleep I will immediately assume that your intention is to attempt treachery, and you will be punished as such. Anyway, the slightest hint of my ki rising, or if I… speak… wake me up immediately.”

“Yes sir!” Yamcha answered. With that his wrist was released from the the tail’s grip, and he sat down on the floor and leaned his back against the bed frame, trying to get comfortable. It wasn’t just the hard floor that kept him from being able to relax- he was trying to come to terms with the fact that his plan might not work out after all. This is Frieza! The terrible tyrant who was responsible for the deaths of billions! So why was it that, even if presented with the perfect opportunity, Yamcha knew he wouldn’t be able to bring himself to try and kill him? 

There was something so intoxicating about the moments when he earned the emperor’s praise… that had to be part of it. It fed his ego knowing he could impress someone of Frieza’s caliber. And the baffling way that this man could be so gorgeous despite being some sort of alien lizard, and you know… male. Beyond that, was it so ridiculous to hope that Frieza could change? It was easy to notice that he seemed less than thrilled with running the Planet Trade Organization in it’s current state, and the fact that he was willing to squander his time on petty things like that day’s charity event… And while he insisted he didn’t trust him, he was no longer concerned with the possibility of Yamcha poisoning his meals… 

Meanwhile, Frieza laid awake in bed. Old habits were hard to break, and the idea of sleeping with someone else in the room was still difficult for him. The vulnerability of it… He didn’t like it. Even if it was a human that couldn’t hurt him even if he tried, he knew that sleep inevitably meant the nightmares, And the nightmares meant sleep talking. Yamcha had already witnessed it once and Frieza was not at all comfortable with even the faintest possibility of it happening again. Even if he was still planning on killing him once his revenge was complete, why give him any more power over him? He despised the idea of looking even the tiniest bit weak in front of anyone. Especially this human, for some reason. 

The odd thing was that he really didn’t even want to kill him. After spending so much time amongst his other current and former subordinates, there was something refreshing about Yamcha’s sweetness. His skills as a cook and of course that handsome face of his certainly factored into things, too. It was probably just because training with Yamcha gave him an excuse to shirk his other duties, that must be it… 

Eventually they both let their tiredness overtake them, and slept until morning… Frieza’s sleep peaceful for once. As he drowsed, half alseep and half awake, he felt safe, because someone good was nearby, to save him from any bad dreams- he suddenly became aware of this dangerous and embarrassing train of thought and quickly sat up, fully awake. 

“Ouch!” Yamcha had been sleeping leaned against the bed, but somehow in the night Frieza’s fingers had wound up in his hair, and it was accidentally pulled hard by the emperor as he jarred himself awake. 

Frieza quickly let go and watched Yamcha stand up and stretch. “Oof… my neck didn’t like holding that position all night, ha ha…” he turned to his companion. “But it looks like you slept well so it’s all worth it!”

The emperor nodded, but, feeling compelled to push the human back after his prior thoughts, snapped, “If you’re awake you should be getting ready so that you can make my breakfast.”

“I’m sorry Lord Frieza!” Yamcha bowed and rushed down the steps out of the loft. A minute later, the smell of coffee filled the tiny house, and he could hear the shower running. 

Irritated with himself for being so lax the prior evening, Frieza resolved to be more careful with that strong Earth wine in the future. 

End Chapter Six: Look At The Stars

Author’s Note: In the tradition of Piccolo’s alien features being ignored, no one seems to notice Frieza’s tail and such- and much like Piccolo, all he really gets is a comment on his skin tone. The Dragon World’s civilians sure are a dense and oblivious group! So Yamcha and Frieza are both coming to terms with the fact that, well, they probably won’t be able to kill each other, despite it seemingly being in their best interest. But Frieza can’t let anyone get close… Yamcha’s got his work cut out for him here! Next chapter has some suggestive content, please make sure you’re cool with that before you proceed. Should have the rest of this edited and up tomorrow. Thanks for reading!

 


	7. Oasis in a Singed Land

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamcha and Frieza continue their training together, but their true motives are forced out into the open. With no more secrets, they discuss their mutual attraction, and Frieza makes Yamcha an offer... Very suggestive scenes here with some minor kink, if that's not something you want to read you can stop when it gets to that point without losing the storyline. However I tried to keep it reasonably safe!

Two weeks of training went by… Yamcha had, at this point, abandoned all pretext of holding back long ago, and found that he himself was benefiting greatly from this intensive training- a good thing, as otherwise he wasn’t sure why he was still bothering with his clearly doomed plan. Now, rather than hoping to catch Frieza at a weak point, he instead daydreamed about somehow reforming the villain, though it seemed like an impossible task…

Frieza, too, was deviating from his own original plan. His desire to get his revenge on Goku had been eclipsed by the enjoyment he was getting from spending the days in battle, his leisurely evenings by the fire, and, for the first time in his life, consistently dreamless sleep. He wondered if perhaps he was getting old and this was some sort of midlife crisis? Further, he was slowly embracing at least a little of the closeness he was sharing with Yamcha- was it really so bad to have something like a friendship, as long as he made sure to withhold trust? Trust is what gets people killed after all.

Nearing the end of a particularly intense day, Yamcha decided to try something new. “Hey Lord Frieza, what do you think of this one?” Holding his hand up, a ball of Ki began to form above him. He then charged forward, his aura taking on a somewhat canine form. “Wolf Fang Ball!” He shouted, flinging the now massive ball of ki at his opponent. Frieza took the hit head on and was knocked back, but quickly returned to his feet. 

“Not bad, but I think I prefer… Spirit Beam!” He shot multiple beams of lightning fast ki from his fingers, then, with quick motions of his hands and arms, directed them to converge on Yamcha again and again from multiple directions.

The human was on his knees when the dust cleared. He raised his hand in a thumbs up. “That was awesome! Very, very painful, but awesome.”

Frieza approached and grabbed the taller man by the shoulder, pulling him to his feet. “That was an amusing bit of mutual inspiration. I think I’ll be keeping both of those moves in my arsenal!”

“Can we take a little break, my lord? I need a minute to recover after that one!”

Scanning the horizon, he nodded. “The sun is getting low, I think we should just go ahead and end things here for today.” It was a cloudy evening, and the sunset was dramatic. Indeed, in moments like this Frieza believed Yamcha’s assessment that the desert could, at times, be beautiful…

A few minutes later, however, his appreciation turned to disdain as a rainstorm began. Unable to build their usual evening fire, the two men rushed into the tiny house. Frieza powered up the small space heater and sat in front of it, toweling himself off while Yamcha changed out of his damp armor in the bathroom. He came out a few minutes later in his old yellow suit, his hair still wet despite a few minutes of blowdrying.

For lack of anything better to do, Frieza watched Yamcha preparing their dinner. They then sat down to eat. The chairs weren’t designed to accommodate a tail, so Frieza took the couch. “Perhaps it was fate that saved you Earthlings from death at the hands of Son Goku in his childhood, or from me when I last visited the planet… and you from Cake, had he been following orders he would have shot down your ship and finished his mission instead of bringing you back. Had any of those plans went right I wouldn’t be eating this incredible meal right now.”

Yamcha sighed. “Lord Frieza, have you ever considered… well, fate intervened a few times and sure, I’m here and alive. But who knows how many people like me, people that could have been beneficial to you, perished at your hands?”

Frieza stood up and clenched his fists, “Are you questioning my…” he paused, looked at Yamcha again, took a deep breath, and sat back down. “How is it,” he asked, his tone irritable, “that with a simple statement like that, you’ve just made me doubt the actions of nearly my entire existence up to this point?!” 

The human was stunned. He had regretted his words almost instantly, certain that he had angered the emperor and bought himself an early ticket to the grave- but instead, it seemed he actually got through to him? Maybe there was hope after all. Cautiously, he got up from the table and approached the couch. “For what it’s worth, you’ve made me question quite a few things about myself, too. That’s just what happens when people get to know each other, they help each other learn and grow-”

Standing up, Frieza grabbed the front of Yamcha’s shirt and pulled him down a few inches to his level. “I think it’s time for you to be completely honest with me, General… You never intended to help me get revenge, or to kill Vegeta, did you?”

Yamcha reflexively blurted out “Of course I did-“ but as the emperor continued to stare him down, he sighed. “You’ve seen through me this whole time, haven’t you?”

“Now we’re getting somewhere,” Frieza said, letting go and allowing the other man to straighten himself out. “You intended to defeat me, didn’t you? But you quickly realized that was impossible, even when I had my strength suppressed?”

“…yeah.”

Frieza laughed. “I respect your guts… or perhaps it’s just foolishness. And yet you’re still here. Is it because you’re too afraid of me to run?”

The human sat on the couch, leaning forward, his hair hiding his face. “I’m… I don’t know.” Desperate to regain some control over the conversation, he asked, “I have something I’m wondering, too. Why are you here with me if you know I wasn’t being straightforward with you? Don’t you have an empire to run?”

“Well, if you were honest with me, I suppose it’s only fair that I’m honest with you…” Frieza sat back down on the couch. “I’m not sure if it’s the loss of my former staff, a shift in the the dynamics of the planet trade in general, or even a change within myself, but… it’s hard to have any enthusiasm for the job right now. It’s more enjoyable being here, training and relaxing…” he didn’t say ‘with you,’ but he certainly thought it. “Well, here’s my final question for you, Yamcha… What have I made you question about yourself?”

Had it really came to this moment? Well, might as well stay honest, since he couldn’t seem to lie to this guy… “A lot of things. Mostly… my heterosexuality.”

Frieza was briefly stunned, then burst out laughing- not his polite, refined signature laugh, but a full body, uncontrolled laugh.

“Hey! That’s not funny, I was being real there!” Yamcha shouted, embarrassed. 

“Oh… Oh my ridiculous Yamcha,” Frieza gasped between laughs, “You actually thought… you thought you were heterosexual?!” Pulling himself back together, he cleared his throat and continued, “it’s been obvious that you found me desirable since our first conversation!”

“Oh geez…” Yamcha knew he was blushing again, and he looked at the floor. “It’s just, I’ve been obsessed with girls my whole life, other than little tiny totally normal bro crushes here and there. But you’re so…” he braved a glance at Frieza, and immediately went back to looking away. “You’re just really something. I’ve never met anyone like you, or felt like this about anyone- but you’re a guy! And… and you aren’t even close to being human!”

Frieza closed his eyes, crossed his arms, and leaned back on the couch. Well… if they were going to get things out in the open like this… “My dear General, how about I help you?”

“What do you mean?” A terribly self conscious Yamcha asked.

“Just this once, I’ll help you answer your question. Let’s figure out if you are indeed heterosexual or not, shall we?”

“How… how are we going to do that?”

Frieza leaned toward the human and lightly stroked his beautiful hair, laughing inwardly at his embarrassment. “Let’s try something, and then see how you feel about it.”

“Something? Like… like what?” Yamcha could barely speak at this point.

“Well, I don’t know,” Frieza answered, bringing his fingers from his companion’s hair to his jaw line, lightly tracing it, then down his neck to his collar bones. “You’ve clearly had sexual thoughts about me. Tell me, what do you think about?”

“You can’t actually expect me to answer that!”

“You will answer. This is a limited time offer, General…”

“I… I think about…” he paused, trying to pull himself together and failing, “about your lips… on me…”

“Well, that gives us a starting point, doesn’t it?” Frieza answered, and suddenly, with his superhuman speed, he had ripped Yamcha’s clothing off and tossed it aside.

Yamcha couldn’t believe this was happening… was he awake? Out of reflex he tried to pull away and grab his clothes, but Frieza’s tail had caught his arms and stopped his movement. 

“I haven’t tried this with a human before, and certainly not with anyone of your size, so please, forgive me if I need to experiment a bit,” Frieza lightly stated in Yamcha’s ear before kissing his neck, his chest, his stomach, and then… Oh lord… Yamcha’s mind went blank at this point and all he could comprehend was the incredible way he felt, pinned down by the incredibly gorgeous object of his fantasies while he…

Some time passed, the storm outside providing cover for the noises within the tiny house. Frieza sat up, coughing a time or two, wiping his mouth, and relaxing his tail’s grip. “Well, Yamcha?”

“I…” laying back, his eyes still closed and struggling to breathe, the human managed to answer, “…I have never felt less straight in my life.”

The emperor smirked, and went to stand up- but Yamcha wasn’t having any of that, and grabbed him, pulling him down on top of him and wrapping his arms around the smaller man’s body. “Please just wait… I need a minute…”

Frieza hated being physically manipulated, but… it was weird how safe he could feel in the arms of this man. Despite their difference in strength, and the knowledge that any real threats to Frieza would be able to destroy a human like Yamcha in seconds… Well, he supposed Yamcha had kept him safe, safe from his haunted past and torturous nightmares. Safe from the unyielding monotony of leadership. Just… safe. 

Once Yamcha finally recovered his breath, he relaxed his grip slightly, allowing both of them to sit back up. Frieza was somewhat self conscious suddenly- this hadn’t been just his first time with a human, it was also his first time actually bringing someone to completion- and his first time with someone he actually cared about. He’d previously just used sex as a tool for manipulation, after all… But what he had just done felt entirely different. He hid it well though, keeping his expression casual. “Well, now that we’ve answered that question, I’m heading upstairs…”

“Wait!” Yamcha demanded. The emperor looked back at him. “Uh… you did that for me… can I… return the favor somehow? I mean, I’m assuming you’re willing… you do think I’m handsome after all…”

Frieza paused, laughed, and continued toward the loft- but at the top of the stairs he turned around, beckoned toward the other man, and answered, “Aren’t you coming?” Yamcha cleared the stairs in record time and moments later both men were sitting on the bed.

“So, this is embarrassing to admit but I’m not really sure how your body works,” Yamcha confessed. “What should I do with you?”

The emperor had one last moment of hesitation- this level of vulnerability with another person, it was already further than he’d ever gone, and now Yamcha was asking for him to go even further than that? With a sigh, he made up his mind. He’d just have to count this human as someone special, because right now he couldn’t think straight. “My body is fairly different from yours. My race, you see, has always had the blessing of unusually quick evolution. Up until a few generations ago we reproduced sexually, but as we died off, with so few of us left, we adapted so as to asexually reproduce…” With this, he shoved Yamcha back down on the bed and straddled him, leaning his face close to the other man’s. “Anyway, where I’m going with this… the nerve endings are still there even if the rest isn’t. I… I enjoy being touched in many of the same areas you would. But even more than that…” he wrapped his fingers lightly around Yamcha’s neck, “…I enjoy being in a position of unquestioned dominance.”

“My lord… You’re perfect,” the human whispered, looking slightly dazed, his body having recovered with the speed of a hormonal teenager. “I guess we’re pretty compatible then…”

“Indeed…”

End Chapter Seven: Oasis in a Singed Land

Author’s Notes: Everyone has their own theories on how the bodies of the alien characters work. I’m sure a lot of people would disagree with how I described Frieza. But I mean, we see him naked a lot so I didn’t want to add anything external, and what I wrote is just my own opinion. You’re welcome, of course, to visualize it however you’d like. Honestly, my opinion on this seems to change every time I think about it- the fun thing about fan fiction is we get to write things however we want! Anyway, our warriors have just crossed a major bridge in their relationship- but there’s much drama on the way in the next chapter, which is incidentally the last chapter and really long, sorry about that. I wrote an epilogue after that that probably won’t be published, and then I’m in the middle of a sequel. Read it or don’t, it’s all good, but if you’ve read any of this, thanks!


	8. A Thousand Words I Wanna Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After spending the night with Frieza, Yamcha visits an old friend to try and get some advice on how to trust the villain he has fallen in love with. But before these two can have their happy ending, Frieza will have to face up to his past crimes...

Yamcha woke to bright sunshine on his face and his dream man in his arms and for a moment, he was positive life couldn’t be more ideal. But as the fog of sleep and the prior night’s incredible events lifted, cold feelings of doubt started creep in. This man he had fallen for… Frieza… he wanted to believe he was changing, but was such a thing truly possible? While his dissatisfaction with his former way of life seemed to suggest it, and the way he finally opened up to the human positively screamed it, well, this was Frieza! Maybe the villain had Yamcha duped this whole time?

Of all the people he could be in this position with, why’d it have to be this guy? …but so many of the same traits that made him dangerous were exactly what made him so irresistible… Still, how could he really come to terms with the fact that the person he wanted to be with more than anyone was this guy? He didn’t want to lose him, but he still truly had no idea if he could trust him. Almost subconsciously, he tightened his hold slightly, pulling the smaller man closer.

This woke Frieza, who leaned back against his lover’s chest but kept his eyes closed and breathing even. He wanted a moment to think before he felt the obligation to speak. After the prior night, he had no doubt that Yamcha was his completely. Was this trust? The idea of the human betraying him still felt like a very real possibility to his rational mind, yet a stronger part of him refused to believe it could happen. Still, after what they had shared that night, the emperor knew he had opened himself up to Yamcha in a way he had never even considered himself capable. Not even Zarbon-

No. He needed to stop comparing Yamcha to Zarbon. It was ridiculous. Yamcha wasn’t a second Zarbon, he was his own being with a unique strength unlike anything Frieza had sought out that ended up being exactly what he had been needing all along.

With that, he opened his eyes and shifted positions to face the man who had somehow gotten himself into his head…

“Good morning Lord Frieza,” Yamcha said, unable to stop himself from smiling. 

“Same to you, Yamcha. Thank you for your company last night, I quite enjoyed myself.”

“It was my pleasure,” Yamcha answered. He then attempted to sit up, reluctantly letting go of his lover and cringing slightly from his sore muscles.

This did not escape Freiza’s notice. “How much of that…” he indicated the scratches and bruising painted here and there across the other man’s nude body, “was from our training, and how much from what came after, I wonder? If we do this again I’ll have to remember to hold back a bit more-“

“Don’t you dare! Last night was perfect, I don’t mind having a few visible reminders, heh. That’s how I know I didn’t dream it!”

Yamcha was preoccupied as he made breakfast, and after serving his emperor, he set his own portion aside. “I’ll be right back, ok? I promise. I just needed to check on something…”

Frieza narrowed his eyes. Habitual suspicion reared it’s ugly head, but with some effort he pushed it down. He somehow wanted to believe that his tenuous trust, the first he’d ever had in any other living being than himself, was well placed. “Very well. I’ll be waiting.”

Yamcha smiled, and turned to leave- then turned back, leaned down, and gave Frieza a very quick little kiss before rushing out the door. The emperor stared after him for a few moments. It was funny how, after everything they did the prior evening, that little kiss was what it took to make him blush… 

\- - -

Outside, Yamcha flew in the direction of town, feeling giddy and doing a few loops and things in the air. After the adrenaline rush from the kiss wore off, he focused on finding a particular Ki. He knew there were a few people who would be able to understand at least a little of what he was going through… And maybe they could help Yamcha sort through what was going on in his heart. Of them, one would be particularly less intimidating to discuss this with than the others, so he focused on finding Krillin…

When he arrived at the police station, he found his friend was just about to leave. “Oh, hey Yamcha! How have you been?”

“So good, Krillin, you have no idea! Say, do you have a moment to chat?” 

“I worked third shift last night so I’m actually headed home now. We could grab coffee if you wanted?”

A few minutes later, the two old friends were sitting at a table outside the local coffee shop. “So Yamcha, I think I know that dreamy look- you’ve got a new girlfriend, don’t you?”

Yamcha laughed. “You’re so perceptive! No wonder you make a good cop! I have met someone, yes… and I think they’re the one, for serious this time!”

The shorter human took a sip of his drink and eyed his friend suspiciously. “I hate to sound like I’m doubting, but you say that every time you get a date.”

“No, really! I know this one is special… well, we aren’t even officially dating yet but-“

“And you aren’t even dating? Yamcha, don’t get ahead of yourself man.”

“Well you see,” Yamcha dropped his voice a little, “we aren’t dating, but we’ve known each other for a while, and recently started to get pretty close, and well, last night was the most amazing night of my life, if you get what I’m saying.”

Krillin’s eyes went wide, then he laughed, elbowing his friend. “Yamcha you dog! What a stud! So is this anyone I know?”

“Well… yeah. You do know this person, but not like I do! That’s the problem actually…” He sighed. “There’s a bit of a uh… past following my dearest around, one I’m not really completely sure is entirely in the past. That’s actually why I wanted to talk to you…”

“Oh, because of 18?” Krillin asked.

“Exactly. You’re married to someone who we once would have considered a villain… How did that even happen?”

“Well, it wasn’t exactly easy winning the heart of a woman like that, I’m still not even sure what she sees in me sometimes,” Krillin answered. “But I focused on her needs, you know? I knew she wasn’t a bad person, it was just her circumstances, and what Dr. Gero did to her. I tried to make her feel safe, and showed her she could trust me. Over time she opened up to me, and next thing you know we’re where we are today and as happy as can be!”

“But how did you know you could trust her?” Yamcha asked, fidgeting with the lid on his coffee cup. “That you were safe with her, and she wasn’t going to go out and hurt people again?”

“Well, I’m going to be honest with you,” Krillin leaned forward, his expression serious. “Trust was a battle for us both. But after a point I couldn’t help but trust her because I had no choice! I loved her. And that love, trust came along side it, even though I knew it left me open to all sorts of terrible possibilities. My heart wouldn’t let me do anything but believe in her.”

“It sure paid off for you two,” the taller human smiled. “Maybe… love and trust will go hand in hand in my case, too. Thank you Krillin, that really helped! I feel so much better now somehow.”

As the two friends parted ways, Krillin grinned. “So when are you two gonna make this little thing official and public, anyway?”

“I don’t know, I still have to talk to him-“ Yamcha smacked himself in the face. “Uh, anyway, bye!” 

Krillin stared at the spot his friend had so quickly vanished from. “Him?!”

\- - -

Back at the tiny home, Frieza finished his breakfast and wandered outside. The rain was long gone and the morning sun felt glorious as ever, and the emperor decided he’d wait for Yamcha’s return while reading in the sunshine. The tiny house’s literature selection was limited to one coffee table book full of photos of old airplanes, but the emperor had brought his tablet. However, between the warm air, the calm activity he had chosen, and the limited sleep that the previous evening’s activities had afforded, he found himself dowsing off…

\- - - 

“There he is! Is he… asleep?” Jaco crept as stealthily as he could toward the being at the top of the Galactic Patrol’s most wanted list. He mentally thanked himself for having the guts to give tracking down the evil emperor Frieza a go- probably should have done so sooner, but you know how it is, various distractions, important elite business, a new season of his favorite anime… anyway, he was here now and couldn’t believe his luck. This would get him a bonus for sure!

Assuming, that is, that those Ki suppressing handcuffs that Bulma had made for him worked. Saying a quiet little prayer to no deity in particular, he leaped forward, slapped on the cuffs, and shouted, “by the authority of the Galactic Patrol I am placing you under arrest for murder and lots of other bad things!”

The emperor jumped up- and, his arms tangled in the cuffs, nearly lost his balance. “What exactly do you think you’re doing?” He asked.

Jaco, still praying internally, answered, “Arresting you, weren’t you listening?”

“You were here last time I came to Earth, weren’t you?” The emperor asked. “No matter-“ yet as he attempted to break his arms free, he felt his strength draining. “What is this?!”

“This is justice!” Jaco replied, grabbing the weakening emperor by the arm and dragging him toward his ship.

Not one to give up, Frieza continued to struggle. “How did you know where to find me? I have been masking my presence quite effectively!”

“One of your newer recruits wasn’t as loyal as you had assumed. You were sold out,” Jaco answered.

Frieza stopped struggling and let himself be forced into a Galactic Patrol transport ship. …Yamcha? No… it couldn’t be… 

\- - -

When Yamcha returned to the tiny house, he rushed to find Frieza. His talk with Krillin had solidified things in his mind, and he couldn’t wait to share them with the amazing man who now owned his heart. But… where was he? The house was empty, and the desert silent. Reaching out in his mind, he struggled to feel any trace of Frieza’s ki… but there was nothing. After searching for twenty minutes he began to get panicky… And for lack of a better option, he started calling his friends. “Hey, Chichi, is Goku around?”

On the other end of the line, the human woman answered. “He just left a couple minutes ago. Apparently he has to go off into space as a witness at some trial.”

Yamcha felt like the world had dropped out from under his feet. “A trial… Do you know who’s involved?”

“That Frieza jerk apparently. They’re going to go get Vegeta, too-“ she heard the line disconnect and sighed, setting the phone back down. “Those fighters…” She muttered.

\- - -

At Capsule Corp’s headquarters, Vegeta stood at the entrance to the Gravity Chamber. “So you need me to testify as a representative of one of the races he nearly wiped out? Well, if it gets that punk to face up to his sins, then I suppose it’s worth taking a few hours away from training…”

Vegeta, Goku, and Jaco headed back toward the Galactic Patrolman’s ship. “I do feel a little bad after he helped us out in the Tournament of Power,” Goku sighed.

As the craft prepared to lift off, the group suddenly felt a surge of ki approaching them. “Is that… Yamcha?”

The human warrior landed in front of them, completely out of breath and waving his arms. Jaco opened the door and Goku leaned out. “Hey! Yamcha! Are you alright?”

“Goku, wait a sec!” He managed, and then slowly straightened himself up. “Sorry, it took everything I had to get here this fast…” Goku jumped out to help him stand, while Vegeta and Jaco just sat there, awkwardly. “I need to go with you guys,” he finally said, his energy slowly returning. “I don’t think it’s right to have Frieza’s fate decided without me there.”

Vegeta was dismissive. “Why? You’ve hardly had to deal with that snake.”

“Oh come on, it doesn’t hurt anything to bring Yamcha with us,” Goku answered, “and didn’t you two talk a bit during the Android 21 situation?”

\- - -

The Galactic court was held on a small planet not far outside our solar system. Here, Frieza, still restrained by the ki suppressing hand cuffs, was forced to stand. He had of course immediately called his lawyers, and Pasta, his best, was waiting. “The good news, Lord Frieza, is that, while everyone of course knows you’re the one who runs the Planet Trade Organization, they don’t have a paper trail or any evidence other than witness accounts.”

“It’s been like this for decades,” Frieza stated, irritated. “I’ve always been an open secret. Why are they trying to do something about it now?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe they’ve noticed the recent uh… instabilities of our organization, and figured that with you back at last it would best to strike before you had a chance to get us back to the glory days? No matter what, they don’t have much on you so this will likely be just a slap on the wrist.”

“What sort of punishment are they expecting to dole out?”

“It looks like they’ll be pushing for twenty percent, but I’m sure I can argue them down to ten percent based on lack of evidence-“

“Ten percent of my remaining lifespan in prison is unacceptable!” Frieza shouted. “If you can’t figure this out then I may be be forced to take this to an open war with the Galactic Patrol, and if that happens I’ll make sure you’re on the front lines and holding a blaster!”

“Yes sir! Don’t worry Lord Frieza, again, they have no paper trail. This trial is pointless, you’ll be out in minutes!”

Frieza sighed. “You had best hope you’re right. On to the other matter, do we know who sold me out? I’d like to handle that traitor personally.”

“Unfortunately,” Pasta replied, “we don’t yet know for certain. There were very few who knew you were headed to Earth. Our top suspect is that Earthling general that you were on the training mission with.”

“While I’ll agree that he is suspicious, I do not feel comfortable pinning the blame on him yet,” Frieza answered.

“Considering, Lord Frieza, that he not only knew of your trip to Earth, but also has no prior experience with your organization, and does have a history with the scientist that developed those cuffs… Plus his suspicious absence at the time of your arrest-“

“Did I not just say it is too early to assign blame?” Frieza asked, his voice rising slightly.

“…yes sir. Well, the trial is scheduled to start in just a few minutes. We have a fleet in orbit, cloaked of course. All you need to do is say the code word and I’ll send your orders for them to attack.”

“With as much as I pay you, it shouldn’t have to come to that.”

\- - - 

“Wow, this is my first time in a Galactic Courtroom,” Goku said excitedly as he looked around. “It’s so much more mundane than I would have expected, though.” 

Vegeta shook his head dismissively. “It’s nothing to get worked up over, court is court anywhere in the universe.”

“Hey wait a minute, what happened to Yamcha?” Goku stood up from his spot in the witness waiting area and looked around the room. “Did we lose him somewhere between the ship and here?”

“For trials of beings like Frieza they don’t allow just anyone in the court room, for safety. We’ve been judged sufficiently powerful enough to not be in danger, but I’m sure Yamcha is off in a separate room, probably behind that glass wall. I told you it was a bad idea to bring that idiot. Now shut up, it’s starting…”

\- - -

The trial began with a long list of charges against Frieza being read out. The emperor just sat their smirking, endeavoring to look unconcerned, though he would certainly have felt better about things if he wasn’t wearing those damnable cuffs… Multiple witnesses were brought out, but his lawyer had been right- no physical evidence linking Frieza to his crimes could be found.

“We’d next like to call Prince Vegeta of the former Planet Vegeta to the witness stand,” Carbonara, the lawyer for the prosecution, stated. After the general confirming of identity and swearing to tell the truth, he had a few questions regarding the destruction of his planet and race. Then, Pasta approached to cross examine him.

“Prince Vegeta, did you personally witness Frieza’s destruction of your home planet?”

“Well no, but he’s not been shy to admit it-“

“And what was your race’s relationship with the Planet Trade Organization at the time?”

“We worked as part of the planet clearing team. Frieza subjugated my father, King Vegeta, which left us with no choice in this-“

Pasta jumped on this. “It’s very well documented that the Saiyans are a bloodthirsty race that craves battle. The majority of them seemed to take great joy in this work, and in general were some of the most deadly and effective members of the army, correct?”

“This is true, we are a race of capable warriors, but-“

“So if Frieza did indeed destroy your race as you claim, it sounds like he actually did a good thing? Think of all the lives he saved from Saiyans with this selfless act! I have no more questions for this witness.”

As an angry Vegeta was lead away from the stand, Frieza mentally noted that his lawyer was overdue for a raise.

Goku was called next, and Carbonara asked him about his encounters with Frieza, particularly focusing on the genocide of the Namekians and attempted destruction of Earth. Then Pasta took his turn… “Both of those events, while tragic, are pointless to discuss, as both ended with no long term ill effects. The Namekians are resettled on New Namek, and we have no real evidence that Earth was destroyed, since you conveniently had an angel reverse time… Is that what really happened? You expect us to believe that someone with such abilities just happened to be on Earth and decided to interfere?”

“Well yeah, that’s what happened. I don’t know how I’m supposed to prove it though,” Goku admitted, scratching his head.

“On to your most recent encounter with the accused, then! You recruited him to assist in the Tournament of Power?”

“Yeah, that’s right! The fate of the universe was on the line after all.”

“Well, our universe is still here, so if this happened as you claim, you’re saying that in a critical moment, you turned to Lord Frieza to save the world, and he was able to do so? Doesn’t sound like the actions of someone who thought my client was an evil murderous dictator. I have no more questions for this witness.”

Goku was sent back to the waiting area to watch the rest of the trial… “I feel like I hurt things more than helped them,” he told Vegeta. ‘

“Hmph. That lawyer is no idiot.”

\- - -

During a brief recess, Pasta approached his boss. “Currently, things seem in your favor Lord Frieza. Speaking with Carbonara, he’s agreed that, in light of the testimonies that I’ve been managing to get, and the lack of proper evidence, he’ll be pushing for just ten percent-“

“I have already told you, ten percent is still unacceptable! Our ships are at the ready, correct? Be awaiting my command.”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure it won’t come to that! The trial is almost over but I can still get things taken care of for you. Supposedly there are two more witnesses to be called, but you’ve seen how I’ve been able to manipulate all the previous ones. You can trust me, Lord Frieza.”

“You had best be right, Pasta. Do you know who these witnesses are? We’ve heard from everyone I’ve seen in the witness’s waiting area.”

“Members of your army, apparently. They’re waiting in the safe room. Apparently they’re pretty weak…”

Giving another fruitless pull at his handcuffs, Frieza frowned. “I doubt that anyone is weak enough to find me a threat in this state.”

They returned to the court room, Frieza attempting to look casual as he sat, even with his arms still cuffed behind him. 

Vegeta felt a little internal glow of pride seeing his wife’s latest invention preventing his former boss from being able to fight back. Goku noticed Vegeta’s little smile and asked him “hey, whatcha happy about, Vegeta?”

Instantly recomposing his face back to a scowl the prince turned away. “Things are about to restart, you should keep your mouth shut and listen.”

Carbonara then returned to the witness stand’s side. “We’d next like to call to the stand a past member of Frieza’s army with some insider information, former General Cake.”

“Cake? That idiot again?” Frieza asked Pasta. “I do believe we may have found our traitor.”

Carbonara gave Cake a moment to get settled and sworn in, then began questioning. “Mr. Cake, I understand you were a member of Frieza’s army for approximately one month, correct?”

“That’s right. The worst month of my life,” Cake stated, wiping a tear away from his eyes. “Frieza was the cruelest and most terrible man I’ve ever worked with. I knew I had to escape his horrible deeds, so I deserted as soon as I could. I’m still haunted by the terrible things I’ve seen! When I tracked him to Earth I knew it was my duty as a decent person to report him to the Galactic Patrol yet even now I still feel there is so much more I must do to assure he is brought to justice!”

Frieza clenched his fists. “That lying snake! What is he even talking about, all I used him for was recon missions, he never even scratched the surface of what I was up to in the five minutes of that entire month that we were actually face to face. And I fired him for disobeying orders, he didn’t desert! Pasta, make sure you destroy him.”

After several minutes of over the top testimony accusing of Frieza of nearly everything up to and including devouring the souls of small children, Carbonara stepped down and allowed Pasta to cross examine Cake.

“Former general, you state you deserted due to being disturbed by the nature of what you were required to do while in Lord Frieza’s employ, is that correct?”

“Yes sir. I just couldn’t sit idly and be a part of such a terrible operation!”

“Then why is it that I have these records-“ Pasta pulled out a folder of paperwork and handed it to the judge, “confirming that you were terminated for poor performance, and then proceeded to file for unemployment?”

Cake sputtered for a second. “That’s uh… well…”

“We have no further questions for this witness. As he has been caught lying under oath we’d like all of his previous testimony to be struck from the record.”

Carbonara stood back up. “We have one final witness to call, a current member of Frieza’s army who has been working very closely with the emperor for the past couple weeks and can share some information on his current mind state-“

Frieza leaned forward. It had to be…

“General Yamcha, take a seat…”

“General Yamcha?!” Vegeta was stunned.

“What the heck is he doing? And… wearing?” Goku was similarly confused.

Yamcha confidently approached the witness stand, dressed in his armor and trying not to think about the view Goku and Vegeta were currently getting of his ass. Looking up to where the defendant sat, he gave a little wave. Frieza nodded, and both men smiled a tiny bit before Yamcha sat down, was sworn in, and faced Carbonara.

“So you’ve been working with Frieza for several weeks now, correct?”

“That’s right, Lord Frieza hired me to replace that Cake dumbass. We’ve been working together on special one on one training, which has given us an opportunity to get to know each other pretty well! Prior to that I also briefly worked with him to defeat Android 21, a being that had been menacing the Earth.”

“What sort of training were you working on?”

“Oh, just helping him understand my fighting style, really. Kinda petty, not really the sort of thing that could be used for major evil acts, but hey, that’s what we did.”

Carbonara could see this line of questioning wasn’t going to bring him the results he needed, and changed his approach. “What sorts of things did you witness from Frieza during this time together? Did you personally witness him ordering the purging of any planets, or perhaps watch him commit any murders?”

“Nope. Honestly he didn’t seem to interested in running his army or the planet brokering business. In fact, he was blowing it off for most of the time we were together.”

“When I spoke with you prior to calling you to the stand, you stated you had seen Frieza do something terrible. Can you explain that in more detail?”

Yamcha nodded. “Indeed I did. I personally witnessed Lord Frieza putting four tablespoons of sugar in one cup of coffee. Nasty, right?” He glanced back over his shoulder at Frieza when he said this and winked.

The emperor smirked, and said quietly to Pasta, “he’s right you know. It was far too sweet.”

From the witness area, Goku turned to Vegeta, “Man, I’m so confused! Why are they saying Yamcha was in Frieza’s army?”

The prince narrowed his eyes. “I’m more concerned with this testimony he’s giving. What is he trying to do?”

Carbonara was getting annoyed. “You also stated prior to getting on the stand that you believed Frieza had a debt to society. Would you like to elaborate?”

The human took a deep breath. This was what he had been waiting for. “Okay, I’m gonna get serious for a sec. Evidence trail or not, everyone here is aware of Lord Frieza’s past. We can talk circles around it all day but we all know he wasn’t a good person. But a terrible past doesn’t change the fact that he could have a bright future. He’s already shown plenty of evidence that he is a man in the middle of a change of heart- he helped us save our planet from Android 21, then our universe in the Tournament of Power. And now, he has expressed to me a desire to turn away from his current career field.”

“Just saying these things doesn’t make them worth the court’s time. What proof do we have that Frieza has changed?” Carbonara asked. He hadn’t expected Yamcha to be able to deliver-

“Take a look at this!” He pulled his phone out from the waistband of his battle panties and unlocked it, holding it up so that everyone could see the wallpaper. “Yeah, that’s right, that’s Frieza building a house for a homeless family on Earth!”

“When did he take that?” Frieza quietly wondered. “Oh well, it seems to be having the desired effect…”

Indeed, the whole courtroom took a moment to settle down after this reveal. Carbonara then spoke up. “While it speaks surprisingly well of his current character, even you admit that his terrible past requires atonement-“

“And how is he supposed to atone in jail? Locking him might keep him from doing bad things, but do you really think that’s better than having him out in the world actively working to better it? He has a debt to pay alright, but he can’t pay it from a prison cell.”

“General Yamcha, it’s clear you have quite a bit of faith in Lord Frieza.”

“That’s right. I trust him, and I trust that part of him that wants to change his life. I trust it will, given enough time and patience, eventually turn him into a somewhat better person.”

Carbonara nodded. “And what reason, aside from a few throw away comments about losing interest in his life’s work, and a photo op at a construction site, do you have to have so much faith in him?”

Yamcha smiled. “That’s easy. I trust Lord Frieza because…” he stood up and held a fist in the air and shouted “I love him! With my whole entire heart and then some! And I know I can trust him because I love him too much not to!” He then sat back down, ignoring the stunned silence of the court room and glancing back over at the man he just confessed his true feelings for.

Frieza was wide eyed for a second, but caught Yamcha’s glance, and closed his eyes, leaned back, and smiled. “Oh, Yamcha… you’re quite something.”

From where they watched, the Saiyans looked back and forth between the two. “Did I just hear what I think I heard?!” Goku asked Vegeta.

“I… feel sick.” Was Vegeta’s only answer. 

“Well, uh, thank you for that moving testimony, General Yamcha, I have no more questions.” Carbonara stepped away quickly.

Pasta then stood, unsure of how to approach a cross examination for the first time in his career. Freiza stopped him. “Pasta, I sincerely doubt you could do a better job defending me than Yamcha just did.”

With the defense waiving their right to cross examine, the judge dismissed Yamcha. As he headed back toward the secure waiting room, Goku stood up. “Can Yamcha stay with us for the rest of the trial? We can protect him if things get bad!”

The judge allowed this, and Yamcha went and sat by his friends. “Uh, hi?”

“You… love Frieza?” Vegeta managed to ask, almost choking on the words in sheer disgust.

“You heard me,” Yamcha answered with a shrug.

There were a lot more questions waiting to be asked but they’d have to wait until after the trial. With no witnesses left to call, the lawyers gave their closing arguments. Carbonara leaned heavily on the abundance of witness accounts, while Pasta emphasized the lack of physical evidence… and Yamcha’s testimony that Frieza was a man who could be a positive force.

A final recess was called. The accused was then lead back to his temporary cell, where he quickly gave Pasta some final instructions. “Remember, do not, regardless of what happens, send the order for my fleet to attack until I give word.”

“Of course, Lord Frieza. I must say, that was genius, what General Yamcha did back there. I just wish I’d been in on his plan. He painted you most sympathetically, I’m certain the judge will keep his act in mind.”

“Don’t be an idiot. While he may have been presenting the facts in a very… specific way for effect, General Yamcha wasn’t acting,” the emperor said.

“He wasn’t? So you’re actually-“

“It’s nothing for you to concern yourself with right now. Get back in there and keep me out of jail, will you?”

\- - -

While Frieza and Pasta spoke in the other room, the rest of the court room was cleared other than the judge. He was supposed to have this time to come to a final verdict and sentence, so he was irritated to see one of the witnesses push his way back into the room and approach his bench.

“Prince Vegeta, thank you again for your testimony, if you could go wait with the rest-“

Vegeta shook his head. “I’m here to tell you how this trial is going to end…”

\- - -

“I mean, that wasn’t a bad plan! I’m impressed you came up with it and were brave enough to give it a go! If you had been stronger, or maybe if Frieza wasn’t so smart, it might have actually worked!” Goku commented, surprised.

“Yeah, well,” Yamcha laughed, “I think things turned out for the best in the end! Assuming Frieza’s not going to prison, of course.”

At that moment, the door opened and Vegeta came back in. He looked at Yamcha with a look of pure irritation, and crossed his arms. “Look, Yamcha. I hate Frieza with every fibre of my being, and that will never change. I’m not too fond of you, either. So consider this the only thanks you’ll ever get from me for taking care of Bulma for all those years…”

\- - - 

The trial reconvened a few minutes later, and everyone returned to the courtroom. The judge then stood to read his verdict. “Frieza, we have found you guilty on every count, including but not limited to murder, genocide, tax evasion, fraud, and possession of illegal weaponry. However, I am forced to be light in my sentencing due to the severely limited amount of physical evidence we have available to us. As such, I am sentencing you to ten percent with no possibility of parole. The duration of your sentence will be served in the custody of the Saiyan people, as represented by their leader, Prince Vegeta.”

Frieza stood up and nearly gave Pasta the order to start the attack- but he caught Yamcha’s eye for a moment, and the human shook his head to say ‘no.’ Frieza gave him a questioning look, but then just smiled and sat back down. He’d trust Yamcha. “Well, Pasta, it looks like I no longer need a lawyer. Get out of my sight. And call off my fleet while you’re at it, will you?”

“But Lord Frieza-“

“I thought you were a smart enough man to know disobeying me is a bad idea?”

The trial over, the three Z Fighters waited with Jaco outside the courthouse. The Galactic Patrolman was on the phone with his superior. “That’s right, Frieza won’t be a problem for a while-“

“I still can’t believe you’re gay for Frieza, with as obsessed as you are with girls,” Goku commented.

Yamcha shrugged. “It’s not about girls or guys. I’m just an appreciator of beauty in all its forms!”

Any further conversation was cut off as Frieza was led out to the group. The security guard gave the handcuff key to Vegeta, had him sign off some paperwork, and headed back in. The moment the guard’s back was turned Vegeta tossed the key to Yamcha beforeturning around and boarding Jaco’s ship.

Yamcha immediately released his beloved. Frieza stretched his arms for a moment, and the raw power of his ki washed over the group. “I hope never to have to experience feeling so powerless ever again!” He then turned to the human and grabbed the front of his armor, pulling him close. “Next time you feel the need to share our emotional business, perhaps a more private occasion would be appropriate?”

“Sorry about that! I wasn’t exactly planning this as the ideal time to tell you how I feel, you know?”

“Either way… I appreciate what you said. And what you did for me for me today. And… I appreciate you in general. Thank you, Yamcha.” Standing up slightly on his tip toes he kissed his human lover, then let go and wandered over to Jaco’s ship. “Is this our ride back to Earth?”

Yamcha, blushing and happier than he had been in quite a long time, quickly caught up with him. “Yep. It’s going to be a little crowded-“

Vegeta, clutching a half full air sickness bag from the kiss he had just witnessed, jumped back out of the ship. “I’m going to find my own way home, the idea of riding with… I can’t handle it.”

“Aw, come on Vegeta, don’t be like that!” Goku said. “Yamcha’s our friend, we should be supportive of his new relationship, even if it’s completely disturbing!”

“Thanks I guess?” Yamcha said.

On their way home, Yamcha sat with one arm casually over Frieza’s shoulders. Goku sat on Yamcha’s other side, and Vegeta was pretty much smashing himself against the wall in an effort to put distance between himself and this group and kept his head facing the window. “Don’t forget, Frieza, you’re technically in my custody. Do anything stupid and I will be more than happy to end you.”

Frieza laughed. “That won’t be necessary. Or possible. But I do intend to behave myself for at least the moment. After all, running an empire has grown irksome…”

“Does this mean you aren’t evil anymore?” Goku asked.

“Of course I’m still evil, I’ve just found another focus for the time being…” he looked up at Yamcha. “Yamcha has put his trust in me, and I can’t go squandering that, now can I?”

“It’s so weird how things work out,” Goku commented, “First Bulma gets with Vegeta, then Krillin with 18, then whatever is going on with Piccolo and Babidi… Now this? What’s next, Tien and Cell?” 

Vegeta shuddered.

Yamcha turned his attention back to Frieza. “You seemed so calm in court. Let me guess, you had a contingency plan, right?”

Frieza smirked. “Perhaps I did. Although, something told me you’d somehow come to my rescue. I suppose this trust goes both ways.”

The uncomfortable ride ended at Capsule Corp., where Bulma, having heard Jaco’s ship approach, was waiting in the yard. As Yamcha climbed out, she stared. “Since when do you wear battle armor-“ she stopped mid-sentence when Frieza disembarked, then gave a little scream and jumped behind Vegeta.

“Oh yeah…” Yamcha laughed nervously. “So uh… Bulma… I guess I should tell you…”

End Chapter Eight: A Thousand Words I Wanna Say

Author’s note: Final note update, took down the epilogue in favor of rewriting it into the sequel, which I'm picking at again. Updating these notes to mention the epilogue is now up, don't read it if you aren't into these two getting dirty. WOW that ended up a really long chapter. Whoops. Thank you if you read this! There’s an epilogue and a sequel- not sure if the epilogue is getting published yet since the majority of it isn’t safe for work, but the sequel, which I’m in the middle of, will be up here eventually. The sequel also draws in another fic I wrote that I’ll be cleaning up and republishing here as well- if you were wondering about the reference to Piccolo and Babidi, they’re my ultimate guilty pleasure crack ship, you see, and will be in the sequel, along with the Yamza goodness. If that disturbs you, I apologize. Still writing it though. What’s the sequel about? Well, Frieza and Yamcha try and get used to living together on Earth as a couple, and attempt to figure out how Frieza will integrate into the main group… but his empire is now without a leader, and it isn’t about to stay that way. So, Frieza, Yamcha, and a few of their friends journey back into space to end the planet trade business once and for all, while confronting someone from Frieza’s past… Yeah. Anyway, thanks again for reading! I didn't think anyone would so it means a lot to me!


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